Chasing Shadows Part 3

I want to be a somebody, not a nobody. I am sick of being overlooked, just another card in the shuffle because my “rep” is not significant enough to warrant special consideration.

At times, I think I am not trying hard enough to get my name out there. It feels like I must take things up a notch or two before anyone can take me seriously. Perhaps it is a bit of envy of others who have their act together and are further along in life than myself … It possibly may be because I have spent more than my share of time being lost in the abyss, but my yearning for something more from my circumstances has grown stronger than ever.

It is like my heart is telling me to take a huge leap of faith, and probably because I spent enough time peeking over the cliff to see how far I would plummet if I were to fail. No risk, no possible reward.

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I am supposed to be a big brother to my two younger brothers, but there are times when I know I am not doing an adequate job. In fact, I haven’t been a good big brother for a really long time now. Sure, I could try to rationalize my lack of proper, big brother stuff to my depression symptoms and other woes, but who am I kidding? There is no justifiable excuse for what I have been to my siblings. Continue reading