The 54th Deadline: Flashback

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“Painful memories sting, but to relive them feels like a living nightmare.”

The sadness has not subsided. It has intensified. It feels like I am suffering a flashback, one that is entirely way too real. I had to take a personal day from work. I did not want to go near others in this state. It’s that bad. It has engulfed me by so much already.

I feel like I am spewing negativity, I feel like I will just bring blight to wherever I go and as a consequence I have hidden myself at home all day.

Anti-social thoughts.

Loss of appetite.

Loss of energy.

Loss of motivation.

It is like I have not made any forward progress at all. But I know I have. Still, right here in the now, it feels like my whole world is unraveling before me.

I have been down this road many times before, and I had always thought those awful days were finished. I thought I would never have to go through this all again. I was wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.

I feel compelled to call someone. I feel compelled to ask someone to console me because God knows I truly need it at this very moment. But I am reluctant. I am hesitant because I feel too guilty about the mere thought of doing such a thing.

It feels like a seed of darkness was planted inside my soul a few days ago, and only now has it all blossomed into its twisted glory. Its influence eats away at me, its effects are slowly ravaging my well-being and I can feel all happening. Every moment of it. It’s like poison.
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The 54th Deadline: Facing Fear

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The 54th Deadline: For every success, for every botch, life will always give you many opportunities.
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I have been a horrible coward for far too long.

The fact is, a large reason why this very blog exists stems from a lot of fear and insecurity. I didn’t know, at least at the time, how to face my fears when they showed themselves before me.

Bit by bit, I let all of the bad stuff happen to me. One meltdown after another. Each inner struggle manifested into something worse, eventually piling up into a mountain of personal problems.

And as a result, I have to be somewhat understanding. Without all of that, this blog wouldn’t have been so elaborate, so detailed and so filled with various thoughts and ideas floating around from my mind.

Fear is powerful, after all. One should never underestimate it.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I was Mr. Courageous prior to this blog. If anything, I was always leaning toward the meek side. I didn’t like conflict or confrontations. I wanted to stay inside of my own bubble and let the world pass me by, or at least this was the “old” me.

Without the security of said bubble, I was a hapless, ridiculously weak individual who was left to fend for himself for the first time in his dang life. Continue reading

Daily NhanSense – Day 39


Daily NhanSense: Every day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 39’s Topic: Courage.


Life is scary sometimes, but all you can really do is muster up any bit of courage and press forward. That’s what I have to do right now …

“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction

Daily NhanSense – Day 23


Daily NhanSense: Every day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 23’s Topic: Fear.


What is this fear I am feeling all of a sudden?

What is causing me to feel a sense of terror that I thought I left behind a long time ago?

A bit of courage would go a long way right now …

“Get good. Be better. ” – Nhan Fiction

Happy Haiku: Darkness



Happy Haiku!

Haiku
黒い闇
何も見えない
怖くなれ

Romaji
Kuroi yami
Nanimo mienai
Kowaku nare

English Translation
Black darkness
Cannot see anything
Be afraid

– Nhan “Nhan-Fiction” Pham

DOA

Attack on Titan OST/Shingeki no Kyojin OST/進撃の巨人 Original Soundtracks Full version
Song Name: DOA (Track#8)
Vocal: AIMEE BLACKSCHLEGER
Composer: 澤野弘之/Hiroyuki Sawano & mpi

Lyrics
Can’t you see over there?
Such a horrible sight
They’re devouring all like you
Here come the giant hands
Breaking through the wall
As dawn arrives
We still survives
Nobody knows what’s going on
Tearing my town, limb by limb
Where are your mom and dad?

Was it shocking for you?
Something is scaring you
The enemy is will hunt you
No matter what you do
But we’re gonna fight for you
Till we defeat them all
If not … there’s no way out

Keep your weapons aimed
Here comes the chilling face
Push down your fear
Jump on the necks of the monsters
You can’t hide yourself
You can’t run
We’re fighting for our lives
And we just can’t lose again
There’s not much time
Be ready to fight
Do it

I know how you feel
But we know what we must do
I know how you feel
But we know what we must do
I know how you feel
But we know what we must do
I know how you feel
But we know what we must do

Keep your weapons aimed
Here comes the chilling face
Push down your fear
Jump on the necks of the monsters
You can’t hide yourself
You can’t run
We’re fighting for our lives
And we just can’t lose again
There’s not much time
Be ready to fight
Do it

Was it shocking for you?
Something is scaring you
The enemy is will hunt you
No matter what you do




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