The more social situations I come across, the more evident it becomes that something is definitely “wrong” with me.
I am too wary of social interactions, especially with strangers. And even when I know I should not be uncomfortable, it is difficult for me to feel at home.
Yesterday afternoon made this abundantly clear. I went to go see a spring scrimmage (football game) for my alma mater, Washington State University.
On paper, one would think it would be a very ideal place for me. A bunch of WSU Cougs, both young and old, all gathering at one place to see a football game? Sounds very ideal, correct?
Well, I had plenty of fun on this day, but not exactly in the way some would think. For one thing, I was feeling a bit ill since the morning. Just not 100 percent and all, but not enough to discourage me from heading out to see the game. Perhaps this played a part in how I would behave throughout the afternoon, but maybe not.
Anyway, I arrived at the scene a bit late. A lot of other Cougs got there way earlier than me, so it kind of felt like I was a tad late to the party. Nonetheless, I still got there in time to see the football game about to begin, so it was cool. It was very pleasant to come across a sea of Crimson and Gray everywhere. Red is my favorite color, after all.
So one big indicator as to how socially anxious I am would be linked to where I chose to seat myself as the spring scrimmage was about to take place. I found myself migrating from the rest of the other crowds by default, to the point where I was just really far out there toward an empty side of a stadium. I have done this a lot throughout my life. I would often gravitate toward areas where I could enjoy things by myself, or if there are less people surrounding me.
Like, I know it is very strange and all. I am well aware I am just becoming a loner in a place where I should be rooting with everyone else. I ended up watching the scrimmage all by my lonesome, impressed with what I saw on the field like everyone else there but I was never “one” with the crowd. It was an enjoyable afternoon, but I guess I just did not feel like being very social, regardless of my slight illness or not.
I could lean on my sickness as an excuse, but I believe it is just the fact that I am too much of a social oddball. It sucks because I know I should be gelling with everyone. The fact that this is my alumni group makes me very concerned about who I am as a whole. Why is it so hard for me to open up? Why am I such a chicken with this kind of stuff?
I had opportunities to go hang out with some fellow Coug fans too, but I opted to go home instead like a lame person. I just was not feeling it.
Ugh, what exactly is wrong with me?
On a different note, I did take some pictures to prove that I was at the game. I should have taken more snapshots, but, again, I just was not feeling it this day. I should have also taken these pictures at much closer distances. My camera does not do long distances that well. GO COUGS!