Tag Archives: Writing

Everyday NhanSense – Day 79

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 79’s Topic: Patience.
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I am by all means a patient person, but there are days I guess I lose this virtue when I feel things aren’t moving as fast as I would like.

This is why this particular thing at the store stood out to me.

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It wasn’t expensive or anything, but I do like having “reminders” laid out for me throughout my desk to keep me in check. After all, life is all about realizing that certain things just develop after a duration, and for some people it takes longer than others for it to materialize.

For instance, many years ago, the only thing I kept telling myself that I wanted more than anything else was just this – independence.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 78

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 78’s Topic: Understanding.
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Lately, I have had the urge to be more open about my random problems I deal with on a daily basis. In particular, I have found myself often telling others I have the serious kind of mood swings, which affect me by constantly messing with my emotions in an unpredictable manner.

In a sense, perhaps I am wanting more understanding about what I attempt to keep well under control every day, every hour and probably until my last breath.

But that’s OK. I don’t expect modern medicine to develop a complete “cure” for mood swings or anything like that in the near future. Medication exists to balance out the mood, but I don’t want to partake in such a pill-popping commitment. There are more pressing illnesses out there like cancer that need more attention.

Mood swings, ultimately, can just make things a bit erratic, so to speak. I can be happy one minute and then feel completely sad the next, as an example.

Not the end of the world. However, I do in fact wish there were days I could just let my emotions run the proper and natural gamut without me needing to … pretend that I am a normal person?

And that’s the thing. I know I am not normal like others, though I don’t really want to imply it’s that much of a handicap.

Like, you see, if I were in a wheelchair, it would be easy for others to understand that something isn’t quite the same with me. With mood swings, combined with my nerdy and social awkwardness on top of it, everything projects the wrong kind of things I should be showcasing about my personality. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 77

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 77’s Topic: Trust.
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Over the years, the list of people I truly trust with all my heart certainly has dwindled in number.

A lot of it has to do with me creating trust issues with others, seeing that I have been quite problematic, unstable and downright infuriating as a person to deal with on a personal level.

But I digress.

I can easily say this tidbit about myself these days. I was a messed-up person when I started this journey a few years ago, which led to the creation of this blog. Never had I envisioned this blog to be anything more than something I happened to write on here and there, but perhaps one day I can look back at this blog and see it as something more.

A beginning.

A beginning for figuring out what the heck is wrong with me, while also being a means of remedying me from my troubles.

Through this blog, I hope to establish new trust with others who need that certain someone to guide them through their own respective darkness and uncertainty. I have been through my own share of demons, haunting me throughout various years.

I have had nightmares over them. I have had times where I didn’t know what would happen next. I ran away from my problems. I hid away from the people who still wanted to care about me when I was basically destroying myself.

Trust. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 76

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 76’s Topic: Creativity.
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I strongly believe I am a creative individual. I have always been someone who likes to think outside the box in a variety of ways.

Ultimately, my ambition for the future is to become a content creator of sorts. I want to make stuff with my creative stamp to it, especially things I could be particularly proud of to show anyone.

I certainly have a passion and appreciation for those who like to think beyond linear means, so I want to make sure my own projects prove worthwhile.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 75

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 75’s Topic: Gaming.
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I have a confession to make as a gamer – For the past few years, I haven’t played many other types of video games, at least in terms of actual gaming consoles and different genres.

Instead, I have played x amount of hours into two particular games.

The two most played games?

League of Legends and now Dota 2.

I play a very niche (well, not so much anymore) genre that is difficult to explain without going in depth, so I will leave it at that. Heck, even a lot of the avatars and backgrounds I use are Dota 2-related pictures or references in some fashion.

But don’t get me wrong.

By all means, I am still a gamer at heart. I will always be a gamer. Even until my last breath, I will still always think of myself as such.

Gaming is easily one of the most important things to me in all of existence. I have always loved gaming, especially as a child. There were certain joys and feelings of excitement that gaming could only bring me.

Those afternoons where I went over to play a two-player game with my friends.

The days my brother and I would tackle the last boss of a video game as a team on our Super Nintendo.

Or those evenings where my dad would take my brothers and I to the video store so we could rent video games … This last one, in particular, was probably one of my favorite treats as a kid.

There was always something appealing about getting to play a new game. And even as an adult, that wonder hasn’t fade. I will say, however, that life hasn’t given me much time as of late to sate my gaming urges.

And you know what?

That’s OK. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 74

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 74’s Topic: The other “you” in life.
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Compared to yesterday, I was much calmer by comparison.

There are days I swear I have another “me” just trying to get loose. Whether it’s a figment of my imagination or it’s just how I feel when I need to entertain myself upstairs, I honestly don’t have a clue.

But seriously, today felt way different in a good way. I was less frustrated, more in-tune with what I was doing and more aware of dialing back the bad feelings whenever they came up. Sure, I’ll admit I may have been a tad sluggish than usual, but you can’t have it all sometimes.

Nonetheless, the other “me” always wants to find fault with whatever I am doing and attempt to rationalize emotions that are basically toxic and dangerous if they were allowed to fester.

But you know what? They shouldn’t matter if I just brush them aside, stay mellow and allow myself to do what needs to be done to be productive.

Everyone, mood swings or not, has to deal with a myriad of emotions and feelings on a daily basis. Though my mood swings can prove random and difficult to predict, I manage by trying to keep the attention fixated on that spot of zen on the spectrum. When I achieve a sense of personal enlightenment, life can feel good.

However, it’s of course not always easy to find that right spot, and so we all come across situations where we may miss the mark at times.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 73

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 73’s Topic: Tantrums.
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Let’s just say I am no stranger when it comes to being pulled aside for “talks” about how I behave. Today at work, I had just one of such incidents. And rightfully so, I deserved it.

My mood swings got particularly out of hand, reaching a point where I almost lost complete and utter control over the whole shebang.

It started over something simple. I was sent over to the dish pit even though I can already hold my own at the assistant cook position. I already understand this particular restaurant’s line system pretty well, but they are training another guy, you see.

At some point, he and I are going to be working side by side on the line.

Anyway, I got annoyed. To me, there is no real excitement at the dish pit. Yeah, it’s an important and crucial job for any restaurant, but I feel like i have lost most of my patience with the position. It’s simply no fun when I rather be doing the line and getting people’s orders finished and whatnot.

Things just went from a little bad to way worse over time as the lunch shift played out, as I just started to lose a bit more and more control of my mood swings. And then, I hit my hand on something and that’s when I really lost it.

I suppose it’s because the nerves in fingers and toes are way more sensitive than many other parts on the body. The pain was sharp, aggravating and overall just distracting. And from this point onward, I started to succumb to my frustrations.

I fell behind in my dish pit, which is something, I have to add, that I never usually do when I am on my A-Game from start to finish at this station.

I started to bang my fist against the sink counter out of frustration, I scowled at my coworkers in a rude manner and tone when I was asked to do simple things, so I could tell I was slowly turning into the monster I have to keep locked in the mental cage every single day.
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