Posts Tagged ‘Reflection’
I definitely suffer from mood swings. It is evident in how certain sides of me reveal themselves here and there, particularly the extremely angry and vehement personality.
I am human. I make mistakes. Sometimes, I make more mistakes than I should. And I will admit this fact when it is applicable.
However, I like to learn from my errors.
There are days where I think my “true” self is trapped inside me, unable to be seen by others on the outside. There are definitely moments where I want people to see the real me, my actual capabilities, my best strengths as a person and so forth, but alas circumstances can make this quite the challenge.
If others will not take the time to see the real you, I have realized that one must work even harder at letting your true self reveal itself for the world to see.
I hope someday everyone will truly get what I am all about as an individual.
After college graduation more than a year and a half ago, I thought I had a clear picture in my mind for what I wanted to happen. I had very specific ideals and goals I wanted to achieve, but I ended up not accomplishing much of anything as time went on.
Life’s puzzle for me at this point seemed hopeless and impossible to solve. I felt frustrated and incompetent because I couldn’t get the pieces to fit.
This led to my worst experiences in my life, where nothing but sadness and shame made up my well-being. I had brief moments of joy when I managed to slap a few chunks of the big picture together, but all of the completed areas were not enough to tell me what life wanted me to do. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve found myself sort of perplexed as to which path I want to end up at, as far as being a writer goes. For a long time, I’ve told others that my main writing talents lie in the technical side of things: spelling, grammar, simplicity and whatnot.
However, when I first began writing “The Coug,” I had to switch gears back toward a style I didn’t really delve much into since like fifth grade. Back in the day (and I mean way back then), I really liked daydreaming stories in my mind. There was something about coming up with random tales for the mere sake of it that was very fun and appealing to me. But I would find that coming up with the stories and writing them would be two different ballgames altogether.
Cooking up the tales was the easy part, but to blast out a few hundred words for the story to make sense to others – now that was a challenge even back then. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m a pessimist in a lot of ways.
I find myself constantly thinking about the negative side of things rather than the positive aspects.
For instance, I’ve relied heavily on my in-game naming patterns to predict whether my ally/enemy player in a given game of “League of Legends” will be bad or not. Instead of thinking about how good a given player will be, I am quick to hone in on a poor performance. Read the rest of this entry »
In just the past month, I’ve made some actual progress toward recovering from this yearlong daze called depression. I feel happier, I feel more optimistic about my future, I feel healthier and I am excited to see what is around the corner.
Coming out of the gates of college, one of my biggest worries was getting a “crappy” job that I didn’t need a degree for. I invested a lot of time, energy and possibly my well-being to walk away with the crimson-colored degree case that I spent four years to earn.
Rightfully so, I felt inclined to seek out a solid job for a college graduate. I wanted to get my feet wet immediately, but too much ambition can cause you to lose sight of reality, which I believe was where a lot of my problems started.
For one thing, my family has never been wealthy at any point in my life. When I was younger, my parents were on the poorer side, but they gradually worked their way up to the point where we could be considered working middle class. Nothing glamorous or noteworthy, but it has caused me to set my priorities a lot higher than others.
Especially in Asian cultures, parents expect their children to go places (part of it has to do with bragging rights, but this is true for pretty much any family of any ethnic background). I wanted to be someone who went somewhere special as well.
But alas, reality can be a cruel beast to deal with if you get on its bad side.
I pity myself.
For far too long, I have resorted to playing this blame game. When the going got tough, I kept trying to find people/things to blame for my troubles. It brought temporary relief to point fingers, but ultimately I was just making excuses, as usual.
I was making excuses for the world apparently treating me unfairly. I was making excuses because others were “stealing” my opportunities away at me. I was making excuses that my situation wasn’t going to get better because no obvious and immediate solutions to correct my various problems appeared in front of me.
I finally learned to stop doing this. It took more than a year, but better late than never.
I could spend a lot of time contemplating about a million things, re-evaluating the hindsight I had back in the day while trying to debate to myself about whether I made the right moves or not, but I am just dwelling on things I can’t affect anymore. It’s water under the bridge now. It’s time I just focus on what’s ahead of me.
Toward my future. Step by step. With unsheathed claws.