Tag Archives: Quote

The 54th Deadline: Facing Fear

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The 54th Deadline: For every success, for every botch, life will always give you many opportunities.
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I have been a horrible coward for far too long.

The fact is, a large reason why this very blog exists stems from a lot of fear and insecurity. I didn’t know, at least at the time, how to face my fears when they showed themselves before me.

Bit by bit, I let all of the bad stuff happen to me. One meltdown after another. Each inner struggle manifested into something worse, eventually piling up into a mountain of personal problems.

And as a result, I have to be somewhat understanding. Without all of that, this blog wouldn’t have been so elaborate, so detailed and so filled with various thoughts and ideas floating around from my mind.

Fear is powerful, after all. One should never underestimate it.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I was Mr. Courageous prior to this blog. If anything, I was always leaning toward the meek side. I didn’t like conflict or confrontations. I wanted to stay inside of my own bubble and let the world pass me by, or at least this was the “old” me.

Without the security of said bubble, I was a hapless, ridiculously weak individual who was left to fend for himself for the first time in his dang life. Continue reading

The 54th Deadline: Another Chapter Begins


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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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Hi again. As I explained in the previous post, I have been contemplating how to switch up my blogging patterns, especially in regards to the format. Because I am not trying to blog each day like before, it was a no-brainer to opt away from the “Everyday NhanSense” stuff and then pull up something I haven’t used for a long while – “The 54th Deadline.”

For one thing, 54 is just my favorite number in the entire universe since as long as I can remember. The “deadline” part is just something that sounds cool.

Combined together, I think “The 54th Deadline” has a distinct ring to it. It plays on my journalism background to boot. Yay!

But anyway, I just wanted to write this blog post out so you all know that I am definitely trying to get back into the blogging swing of things. Gosh, even as I type this out, I feel like I am physically hitting the keys sluggishly while feeling uninspired. Not good!

All of which, of course, can be fixed with some more earnest attempts at blogging at a level I am content with as a writer.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 104

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 104’s Topic: Control of life.
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There are times I wonder if I am just losing control of my life, as if I am heading toward something I don’t want to end up at …
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 83

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 83’s Topic: Strength.
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One of my favorite quotes in the whole world is …

This was a quote I vividly recall being read by a valedictorian’s speech during my high school graduation.

At the time, I didn’t think much about it. I was too caught up in the thought that high school was ending and the exciting aspect of going to college waited for me around the corner. But over time, I learned what this quote really meant in its entirety.

I am strong. Well, more like I had to be, to make it this far in my journey.

When I felt like I was just scum for the entire universe to gawk at, discard and then ultimately be forgotten like I didn’t even matter, I had to realize how strong I could really be to keep fighting.

I couldn’t give up. I didn’t want to. I had to keep finding strength when everything made me feel weak and pathetic.

Determination.

I can’t tell you how much word has meant to me when I have been seeking strength from all kinds of places.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 67

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 67’s Topic: Shopping for things.
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When you’re poor as heck like me, you don’t think about things as being essentials until you essentially need them.

For a long time, I have been without the convenience/luxury/necessity of a microwave.

My gosh, what a pain!

But fortunately today, I finally could pick up this wondrous box that will bring me better meals in a couple of seconds.

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Don’t get me wrong. I love to cook and all, but my current place doesn’t have a stove or oven for me to accommodate my particular hobby. Money is also tight, which means I have to budget around easier-to-prepare meals until I can eventually purchase better cooking equipment, therefore being actually capable of making the kind of food I want.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 28


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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 28’s Topic: Friendship.
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Friendship has always been something important to me, even when I was a little kid. Being the shy, social anxiety-stricken child who would keep to himself meant a lot of the other children would, not avoid me per se, but think twice about approaching me.

It’s not like I was the rat-eating kid or anything weird like that. To be perfectly honest, many kids probably just thought of me as the quiet, Asian guy and just left it at that.

I was often just there in the classroom or playground taking up space in a sense, always being extra careful not to get in anyone else’s way. I just kept to myself by default, so this meant I rarely initiated the attempts at making friends with others. Shyness made me reluctant to do things a normal kid would attempt, such as striking up the key conversation that blooms into a sudden friendship.

“Hey, do you want to play a game?”

“Wow, that’s cool. Can I see that, too?”

Looking back at it, most of my initial friends as a young boy just stemmed from other kids taking me under their wing at some point, and I guess I just rolled with it. Not like I was complaining, though. I still had my group of friends who I always ate lunch with, the ones I would hang out with during recess, the ones I would always partner up with in class and all that jazz.

I wouldn’t say I had no friends, but I was far from Mr. Popular. Long before a thing like a friend counter existed in the form of Myspace or Facebook like what we have today across various social media, kids on the playground just knew who were popular by the sheer look of it. These were the kids who always seemed to have their respective legion of “friends” tag along with them everywhere like mini-posses.

But did I want that? Honestly, the answer would be no. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 25

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 25’s Topic: Fighting the good fight.
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It’s no surprise I often use the “Depression” tag a lot for my blog posts. Modern society has such a stigma over this specific “D” word that a lot of people brush it aside, or worse, try to hide it.

“It’s all in your head!”

“Stop being sad!”

“You’ll get over it. It’s just a phase!”

And yet, for some people, depression never goes away. And you know what?

I have depression.

There. Was that so difficult? No, not really. I have actually gotten used to feeling like this in some unpleasant degree. But in all actuality, I have had depression long before this blog had even one letter typed out. Way long before that, in fact.

I can say now with 100 percent certainty that I was a depressed person in a variety of ways. It all started when I was a college student. Back in school, I had to work constantly to make sure I could pay tuition, pay for food, pay for every random expense to keep my student loans down, but it came at the price of my happiness and overall college enrichment.

I was always so out of it in the classroom because I was tired all of the time. There were so many days I barely could get through class running on fumes, just always sitting in the back of the class barely able to keep my eyes awake.

I had many countless nights where I would stay up to blast out a halfhearted essay or two, on top of trying to cram useless information into my noggin that I would forget the moment the exam was finished.

Ultimately, for my introverted personality, this meant I would forego a lot of things like social gatherings or just being able to relax like a young adult who had a lot on his plate. Well, it was a lot for me to handle anyway. I managed to squeeze some time for myself here and there, but my life was far from well-rounded.

Looking back at it, I should have seen the writing on the wall a lot sooner. I found myself talking about how I was “possibly” depressed to a career counselor of mine on multiple visits, where I danced around the notion that I may or may not have needed professional help.

Perhaps had I done something sooner, maybe I could have nipped the problem in the bud before all of the worst effects blossomed out of control just a few months after college graduation.
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