The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
There are days where I contemplate how much persistence, patience and energy I have invested toward my own “recovery” and why I haven’t quite solved all of the mysteries yet. Then again, I realize some damage is difficult to heal, and I certainly have sustained and suffered my share of problems throughout the years.
I count my blessings. I ponder about the possibilities. I think back about all that has hurt me and why I continue to dwell on stuff I should have let go completely from long ago. But regardless of what I do and what I shouldn’t do, life continues.
This is the fact we all have to acknowledge.
Life continues. And it will always do so until the end of time.
Sure, my life within these past five years have had a lot of crummy (OK, absurdly horrid) defeats in the form a lot of self-loathing and whatnot. And sure, I have had made my share of attempts at finding success in overcoming said defeats.
But of course, this is why people call it a struggle. It’s not like you can unwind everything and put it all back in its place in a nice and neat fashion. Oh heck no! That would be too easy.
The word I often say a lot now is “process,” a word that definitely reflects a lot about my current endeavors in life.
I have been undergoing a process at bettering myself. I don’t always make all the right moves. Trust me. I have made more blunders than anything else, and yet I keep taking cracks at it until things slowly move toward the direction I want it to go.
But is it ever enough? That’s the big question I keep asking myself.
Take these past few days, for instance. I realize the place I am living in has little to no furniture. Like, come on! I know I am not that wealthy at the moment to afford splurging on nice chairs and tables.
Keep in mind I am someone who spent a few months eating his meals off of a tub, a literal tub, where I placed a paper towel on to keep the surface clean. And not to mention, this tub was what I used to sit by the computer as well.
Was I being resourceful with what I had (I was, by all means, super poor at the time), or was I just not smart about it?