Tag Archives: Inspirational

The 54th Deadline: Waiting in the Darkness

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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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For five years and counting, I have been waiting in my own perpetual darkness. At one point, I feared for the worst when my world crumbled around me, and I couldn’t help but “run away” from my insecurities and problems instead of facing them directly like a courageous person.

Alas, I was a weak individual. A scaredy-cat. Insert whatever negative word. It doesn’t matter.

The point is, ultimately, I ran away to hide from my problems. Much like a child who hides under their blanket when they get scared, I hid underneath a security blanket called cowardice.

I was hoping the spooky stuff would magically go away, It didn’t. Instead, things grew more and more intense as time went on, which elevated my dilemma into a personal, full-blown disaster.

So I moped away in my own darkness, letting it consume me from within until I had enough of it.

I waited like the problems could go away on their own if I endured, thinking perhaps light would come shining in to illuminate the right path before me. Eventually. Eventually, I kept thinking.

It didn’t happen like that. Not quite, anyway.

Don’t get me wrong. When you’re a depressed mess, things just get to you. I certainly had my share of self-defeating thoughts that could last me a lifetime.

But after a while, you get weary of the constant negativity. You want to squelch all of the, “It’s never going to get better” remnants floating around in your mind. In their place, you have to scrape up some sense of hope, some sense of optimism that things will in fact improve.

And they have for me, albeit slowly. Everything has been a gradual crawl, but hey … at least it’s in the right direction!

To wait in this darkness for so long, one must think I am nuts, right?
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The 54th Deadline: Putting the Pieces Together

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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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By all means, I have been an enigma as an individual.

I have been scatterbrained.

I have lacked focus.

I have been struggling to muster up adequate motivation to achieve what needs to be done in a timely fashion.

So as a result, I feel “incomplete” at the moment. For a long time now, my goals seem unclear even to myself. My aspirations seem distant. My determination, though constant, isn’t as strong as it should be in the face of my own limits and weaknesses.

I feel like I am dawdling. I feel like I am not being productive when I have all the tools and means to accomplish everything I put my mind to, and this herein lies the main problem with myself – the enigma that is my well-being is broken up into so many pieces.

For me to become “OK” when everything is said and done, it’s up to me to figure out how to tackle this puzzle on my own and ultimately solve it so I can finally discover the big picture waiting for me when I finish.

Will the payoff be worth it in the end? I sure hope so. There are no guarantees, but one has to have some sense of optimism for themselves. Life’s a really twisted game in this regard. It’s not like these pieces are all right in front of me. No way. Definitely not the case.

Everything has been thrown around all over the place, adding further difficulty to something that has already presented itself as a grueling challenge.

Trust me. I know firsthand.

It’s been five years and counting. It doesn’t get any easier. It just goes to show how much perseverance one has to have to keep trying. Because, let’s face it – I began this game while already missing a few pieces from this puzzle to begin with when the personal meltdown took effect.

Allow me to explain. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 121

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 121’s Topic: Reach.
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I am getting there. I am reaching toward where I need to be in life. I can almost feel it.

“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction

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Everyday NhanSense – Day 119

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 119’s Topic: Finding answers amid the confusion.
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The more I figure out things about myself, the more I realize how truly complex and all over the place I truly am as an individual. Well, I am complex in the sense that I have a lot of random ailments that more or less affect me in some fashion day-to-day.

For instance, I often talk about my mood swings and how they essentially make me an “inconsistent” person. You really don’t know what kind of Nhan you’re gonna get sometimes. I don’t even know the answer on a given day to be honest.

Mood swings make me erratic, almost unstable, because I shift around from all kinds of moods. Yesterday, for instance, I felt sad. I am talking about feeling so blue I was lying on my bed borderline ready to cry my eyes out, or at least this is how I felt for most of the day.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 116

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 116’s Topic: Escaping that “trapped” feeling.
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Perhaps we all find ourselves prisoners within barriers we put up by our own two hands.

I don’t like feeling confined to one setting, but life certainly has felt that way for me, at least for a while.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 93

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 93’s Topic: Perspective.
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It’s been a chill Sunday. I was hoping to explore the town for my day off, but Mother Nature had different plans.

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But it’s cool. It goes to show that I still need things like a car to travel practically in this weather, yet I am fine with lazy days just taking it easy while indoors.

Heck, from a perspective standpoint, things are just fine and dandy.

I have my health.

I have a job.

I have food to eat.

This, collectively, is a lot better than what it was a few months ago.

For instance, food is something we all take for granted. Meals are things you need to eat to keep fueling your body, but what happens when you have limited money for said food?

To give you an idea what I mean, this is what I bought for lunch today because I could. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 87


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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 87’s Topic: Reluctance.
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In regards to this blog, I will admit I had a lot of reluctance when I first started it. I didn’t have any ambition of making this blog famous overnight or anything of that sort. I didn’t even know if I would continue blogging after I finished making the account.

But I am glad I did.

I started off with a handful of daily readers at best. And after a while, the number naturally expanded. Not to godly numbers or anything like that. Again, reluctance kept popping up, discouraging me from showing others what I was writing about for the longest time.

After all, this blog did start out as a depression blog, and it was a depression blog that was linked due to feeling left behind in this wide and vast world. Had I not written this blog, I seriously do not know how I would have turned out, or whether I would have been able to persevere long enough to keep going.

But I am glad I did.
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