Tag Archives: Inspirational

The 54th Deadline: Death’s Reminder

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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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Life, you really want to keep tacking on once again another catalyst, another wake-up call for me, to get into action. Don’t you? Don’t you?!

So yesterday at work, I found out a coworker of mine literally died. Straight up, he died the other night.

I worked with this coworker just last weekend, and now he is gone. Needless to say, I was pretty rattled yesterday.

Though I was not great friends with him by any means, I thought my coworker was a good guy. He worked hard and always had a great attitude about everything. Outside from the restaurant, I didn’t know much about him. I knew he had a bit of trouble with the law, but he clearly was getting his act together for a long while.

Like me, he was on his own respective journey to salvage his life.

Such a shame. Such a shame.

Life certainly is too short. We take it for granted, and then poof! It ends.

You don’t think about death until it pops up out of the blue. For the past day, I have thought about my own mortality. Have I done enough with my own existence?

Ultimately, I have concluded a startling “no” at this point in the game.

I have not done enough. Continue reading

The 54th Deadline: Opening Up


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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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There are days where I contemplate how much persistence, patience and energy I have invested toward my own “recovery” and why I haven’t quite solved all of the mysteries yet. Then again, I realize some damage is difficult to heal, and I certainly have sustained and suffered my share of problems throughout the years.

I count my blessings. I ponder about the possibilities. I think back about all that has hurt me and why I continue to dwell on stuff I should have let go completely from long ago. But regardless of what I do and what I shouldn’t do, life continues.

This is the fact we all have to acknowledge.

Life continues. And it will always do so until the end of time.

Sure, my life within these past five years have had a lot of crummy (OK, absurdly horrid) defeats in the form a lot of self-loathing and whatnot. And sure, I have had made my share of attempts at finding success in overcoming said defeats.

But of course, this is why people call it a struggle. It’s not like you can unwind everything and put it all back in its place in a nice and neat fashion. Oh heck no! That would be too easy.

The word I often say a lot now is “process,” a word that definitely reflects a lot about my current endeavors in life.

I have been undergoing a process at bettering myself. I don’t always make all the right moves. Trust me. I have made more blunders than anything else, and yet I keep taking cracks at it until things slowly move toward the direction I want it to go.B2XDebDCIAAtwNj

But is it ever enough? That’s the big question I keep asking myself.

Take these past few days, for instance. I realize the place I am living in has little to no furniture. Like, come on! I know I am not that wealthy at the moment to afford splurging on nice chairs and tables.

Keep in mind I am someone who spent a few months eating his meals off of a tub, a literal tub, where I placed a paper towel on to keep the surface clean. And not to mention, this tub was what I used to sit by the computer as well.

Was I being resourceful with what I had (I was, by all means, super poor at the time), or was I just not smart about it?
Continue reading

The 54th Deadline: Waiting in the Darkness

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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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For five years and counting, I have been waiting in my own perpetual darkness. At one point, I feared for the worst when my world crumbled around me, and I couldn’t help but “run away” from my insecurities and problems instead of facing them directly like a courageous person.

Alas, I was a weak individual. A scaredy-cat. Insert whatever negative word. It doesn’t matter.

The point is, ultimately, I ran away to hide from my problems. Much like a child who hides under their blanket when they get scared, I hid underneath a security blanket called cowardice.

I was hoping the spooky stuff would magically go away, It didn’t. Instead, things grew more and more intense as time went on, which elevated my dilemma into a personal, full-blown disaster.

So I moped away in my own darkness, letting it consume me from within until I had enough of it.

I waited like the problems could go away on their own if I endured, thinking perhaps light would come shining in to illuminate the right path before me. Eventually. Eventually, I kept thinking.

It didn’t happen like that. Not quite, anyway.

Don’t get me wrong. When you’re a depressed mess, things just get to you. I certainly had my share of self-defeating thoughts that could last me a lifetime.

But after a while, you get weary of the constant negativity. You want to squelch all of the, “It’s never going to get better” remnants floating around in your mind. In their place, you have to scrape up some sense of hope, some sense of optimism that things will in fact improve.

And they have for me, albeit slowly. Everything has been a gradual crawl, but hey … at least it’s in the right direction!

To wait in this darkness for so long, one must think I am nuts, right?
Continue reading

The 54th Deadline: Putting the Pieces Together

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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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By all means, I have been an enigma as an individual.

I have been scatterbrained.

I have lacked focus.

I have been struggling to muster up adequate motivation to achieve what needs to be done in a timely fashion.

So as a result, I feel “incomplete” at the moment. For a long time now, my goals seem unclear even to myself. My aspirations seem distant. My determination, though constant, isn’t as strong as it should be in the face of my own limits and weaknesses.

I feel like I am dawdling. I feel like I am not being productive when I have all the tools and means to accomplish everything I put my mind to, and this herein lies the main problem with myself – the enigma that is my well-being is broken up into so many pieces.

For me to become “OK” when everything is said and done, it’s up to me to figure out how to tackle this puzzle on my own and ultimately solve it so I can finally discover the big picture waiting for me when I finish.

Will the payoff be worth it in the end? I sure hope so. There are no guarantees, but one has to have some sense of optimism for themselves. Life’s a really twisted game in this regard. It’s not like these pieces are all right in front of me. No way. Definitely not the case.

Everything has been thrown around all over the place, adding further difficulty to something that has already presented itself as a grueling challenge.

Trust me. I know firsthand.

It’s been five years and counting. It doesn’t get any easier. It just goes to show how much perseverance one has to have to keep trying. Because, let’s face it – I began this game while already missing a few pieces from this puzzle to begin with when the personal meltdown took effect.

Allow me to explain. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 121

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 121’s Topic: Reach.
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I am getting there. I am reaching toward where I need to be in life. I can almost feel it.

“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction

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Everyday NhanSense – Day 119

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 119’s Topic: Finding answers amid the confusion.
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The more I figure out things about myself, the more I realize how truly complex and all over the place I truly am as an individual. Well, I am complex in the sense that I have a lot of random ailments that more or less affect me in some fashion day-to-day.

For instance, I often talk about my mood swings and how they essentially make me an “inconsistent” person. You really don’t know what kind of Nhan you’re gonna get sometimes. I don’t even know the answer on a given day to be honest.

Mood swings make me erratic, almost unstable, because I shift around from all kinds of moods. Yesterday, for instance, I felt sad. I am talking about feeling so blue I was lying on my bed borderline ready to cry my eyes out, or at least this is how I felt for most of the day.
Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 116

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 116’s Topic: Escaping that “trapped” feeling.
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Perhaps we all find ourselves prisoners within barriers we put up by our own two hands.

I don’t like feeling confined to one setting, but life certainly has felt that way for me, at least for a while.
Continue reading