Tag Archives: Inspirational

Everyday NhanSense – Day 77

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 77’s Topic: Trust.
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Over the years, the list of people I truly trust with all my heart certainly has dwindled in number.

A lot of it has to do with me creating trust issues with others, seeing that I have been quite problematic, unstable and downright infuriating as a person to deal with on a personal level.

But I digress.

I can easily say this tidbit about myself these days. I was a messed-up person when I started this journey a few years ago, which led to the creation of this blog. Never had I envisioned this blog to be anything more than something I happened to write on here and there, but perhaps one day I can look back at this blog and see it as something more.

A beginning.

A beginning for figuring out what the heck is wrong with me, while also being a means of remedying me from my troubles.

Through this blog, I hope to establish new trust with others who need that certain someone to guide them through their own respective darkness and uncertainty. I have been through my own share of demons, haunting me throughout various years.

I have had nightmares over them. I have had times where I didn’t know what would happen next. I ran away from my problems. I hid away from the people who still wanted to care about me when I was basically destroying myself.

Trust. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 69

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 69’s Topic: Structuring for success.
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When I first moved here to this new town, I had two main priorities.

1) Find a place to live. I in fact achieved this thanks to the help of some great friends. I couldn’t ask for a better living situation and deal than what I have, especially when getting on my feet is what I am after in the meantime.

2) Find a job. This took two months, and I went through another burst of depression while searching for work, but then things got better again once I found a job I really liked. So overall, this priority has been taken care of and then some.

With that said, both of these things have left me wondering about a certain thing that has been quite elusive for me, which is just structuring my time better for success.

I am well aware I live a decently busy life at the moment, but I know I am not maximizing every minute of precious time to make the most of it. Basically, I want to make sure I use my time wisely, and there are days I feel like I just wake up, go to work and then come home to sleep so I can repeat the process the next day again.

Nothing wrong with this per se, but I think I could do better.

And to do so, I will just need to structure my time with more precision while being disciplined enough to follow through with everything.
Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 66


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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 66’s Topic: Brewing up something special.
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I have always been a dreamer. As a child, for some strange reason, I have always had this peculiar habit when I wanted to “brainstorm” an idea, no matter what it was.

This habit entailed me doing something really strange now that I think about it. For a long time as a kid, I would find a bunch of rubber bands and dangle them around in my hands, “playing” with them as I came up with ideas.

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I don’t know why it was rubber bands. I just had a weird fascination with them. I would stretch them out and twirl the elastic bands around my fingers as I thought up something in my head.

A cartoon character.

A video game idea.

A TV show I think would be cool to watch.

Just whatever.

That’s what I did a lot as a kid. I would daydream. I would make dorky, childish sounds as I tossed the rubber bands around in my hand. My family knew about this odd thing about me as well. My brothers teased me about it. My mom would scold me for leaving my rubber bands behind on the couch or in my bedroom.

I would always pluck a bunch of rubber bands from the kitchen and just do my brainstorming somewhere in the house.

What can I say?

I was certainly an odd child. I can admit it without being embarrassed. I was just strange.
Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 57

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 57’s Topic: Appeasing your “other” side.
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There are days where I simply feel like a conflicted person, at least when it comes to satisfying all my goals and ambitions. I want to look for the silver lining when things get bleak. I want to find reasons to be happy in life.

There are lots of elements to want, but I don’t know if I can get all of them appeased. My “other” side is very demanding, as you can see.

Then again, don’t we all have our own other side who is always hounding each and every single one of us, respectively?

Is it not uncommon?

A few years back, I really wanted to land my dream job in journalism. Because I wanted it so badly, the horrible depression took over. And because the depression took over, I became knocked out of commission for a long while.

I do believe it was because I wanted to appease that certain side to me. Rightfully so, that other me just wanted big things.

A swell job you could go around to brag to others.

The satisfaction of knowing my ultimate goal in college, of being a journalist, was going to come to reality.

And so on. And so on.

Of course, the short version of the story is … it didn’t happen like that at all. Almost tragic in itself, everything just came crashing down. The whole house of cards scattered everywhere, and I was left to play 52 Pickup.

Not fun at all, I have to say. But that’s how that series of events turned out.

What can I say? The other me demands a lot. That’s a fact.
Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 40

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 40’s Topic: Regret.
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It takes a lot of guts to admit something about myself, at least in regards to how I have been for at least four of the past five years.

I have been weak. Outright weak as a person. Weak in terms of willpower. Weak in terms of mental toughness.

Just absurdly weak.

But with that said, I have grown stronger these days, or at least stronger in the sense that I can stand on my own two feet with less help. However, I am still not 100 percent independent quite yet.

A long time ago, in the midst of the worst symptoms of my depression, my weaknesses as a person became evident. What I sought after the most was just comfort, a human voice to calm me down and assure me that everything was A-OK, even though inside my mind I wasn’t quite sure what to believe.

And so, I made a lot of phone calls at my worst.

And I am talking about calls that could last for an hour or longer. These weren’t over in five minutes or anything. These were chunks of time out of someone’s schedule just to hear me blab and cry about my problems.

I regret being so needy. I was certainly a major inconvenience in some respects. I wish I could call up every single person I talked to and apologize, but I don’t think they would want to hear my apologies anyway. They had their fill.

You see, and this is me being honest, it’s not like I wanted to turn my once-called friends into my personal therapists. I had no intention of that. I was a confused, depressed mess. I wanted answers, but perhaps a part of my mind didn’t want to hear what my friends had to say and process it properly.

And so, I called and called around, exhausting the numbers on my phone.

Don’t get me wrong. I appreciated the talks with my friends at the time. There were lots of pep talks, lots of “It’s only a phase. You’ll get over it!” kind of discussions and whatnot. I guess above all else, and this is me being frank, I think I just appreciated that these people were willing to listen to me for so long. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 38

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 38’s Topic: Pushing one’s body past that certain threshold.
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Gee whiz, it’s like all of the pain and exhaustion I should have felt is catching up to my body all at once. My body is really feeling the aches now. That’s for sure.

At the same time, I have no real choice but to tough it out. And I intend to regardless. It’s not like my body is unraveling or anything, but it’s definitely experiencing some sort of discomfort. I went from having zero hours of work per week to at least full-time hours each week … with about one whole day off thrown into the mix.

There isn’t a lot of rest between each day, so maybe I am just overworking my body as it’s trying to get accustomed to this new routine?

Gosh, I can at least say without a shadow of a doubt that my body has gotten stronger. I have grown sturdier over the years. I used to have trouble working full days multiple times throughout a given week, but I feel like I can keep up this pace if I really put my mind to it.

I mean that it was like really rough for my body. I would often have nosebleeds after my shift because I exerted so much energy. Not anymore, it seems.

And that’s a good thing.
Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 35

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 35’s Topic: Finding the right friends.
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Throughout my life, I have always had my group of friends. They may not have been many in number by any means, but I always appreciated having that particular group to call my own. I’ll admit I can be a bit of a social oddball in my own ways, so it was like I was always that square piece trying to fit into into what society deemed as the “proper circle.”

Basically, it has always been a mini-challenge to wedge myself into social structures and mingle with others confidently. Regardless, I have managed.

Take high school for instance. I bounced around during lunch time with a lot of groups.

The kids who ate lunch in the parking lot.

The other kids who took honor classes like me.

Some sports groups.

The card-playing groups.

There were days I couldn’t tell you why I decided to eat with a certain group for whatever reason. But looking back, I guess my favorite group was honestly just a certain group of friends.

I’ll admit it. We were geeks. We talked a lot about anime, video games and a bunch of other topics that high schoolers would be called dorks for, but I didn’t care. I enjoyed eating lunch with them and just being able to hold conversations without stammering.

What can I say? I fit in perfectly. Continue reading