Tag Archives: Hope

Everyday NhanSense – Day 44

angry-anime
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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 44’s Topic: Anger.
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Despite all the upside and happy moments as of late, I guess I can’t help but realize I have a bit of anger lingering in my soul. It’s unpleasant, it feels like I am burning up on the inside and the emotional aspect hurts. It outright hurts.

I don’t like being angry. I don’t like being that angry person in the room. Today, I literally yelled out of frustration, like I have been saving it in for too long and it needed to be let loose.

In this sense, anger is something I need to cut out of my life. It’s poison, unhealthy and just damaging to my well-being.

Who in their right mind wants to be angry? Why be mad when you can be glad instead?

That’s right. If you can be happy, you should be. And yet, sometimes, it’s basically unavoidable. Anger just randomly bursts out of me sometimes, catching me off-guard and forcing me to calm the heck down before it gets out of hand.

It’s the No. 1 emotion I am wary of as someone with mood swings. I have seen what anger can do to my father, a person who has struggled with mood swings, especially in regards to containing his anger throughout my whole childhood and then some. So it’s an everyday struggle to keep things from blowing the lid right off, and there are some days I feel like I barely manage to do even this …
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 34

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 34’s Topic: Determination.
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Time to get the game face on!

With stability in place of a job to pay the bills and the means of actually taking care of myself like an adult, AKA I don’t have to starve anymore like some grueling nights I had to endure, I can finally start to plan for the immediate future in terms of projects and ambitions.

The past two months tested my limits, forced me to rethink my life from the ground up and above all else made me grow up and fast. Those random things you take for granted like shelter and food don’t seem like much until you’re backed up to a wall with limited options.

Nonetheless, that particular part of the storm has passed. It’s time to move forward with my various plans.

The first order of business is just to establish some sense of consistency throughout the week. A little structure goes a long way, after all. I have made it a habit to do things like write a blog post every evening at a certain time to acclimate myself, mainly so I don’t become lazy as a writer. Hey now, it’s worked so far, right?

On top of that, I now sleep and wake up at roughly the same times, so that stupid insomnia issue is basically taken care of for now. But now, I have to base my life around my work schedule, using my free time to chip away at my projects and planning.

Some writing here. Some research here. A little bit of this. A little bit more of that.

This ensures I can get stuff done to feel accomplished without overwhelming myself. As a reminder, that sense of “willpower” is a finite resource within the human body. You can’t just go autopilot and not expend willpower. It’s always going to be used, but sometimes you can scrape by with stretching it around, otherwise you will burn out.

It’s always a good time to feel determined! Here is some inspirational music to complement that determined attitude!


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Everyday NhanSense – Day 27

Konachan.com - 155052 sample
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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 27’s Topic: Getting rid of insomnia.
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Getting a good night’s sleep in a long time has been quite the treat. Catching Z’s after a day full of personal triumphs and channeling all the stress from the past two months into something productive has been empowering. It just feels nice being able to slip into bed, tucked under some warm sheets while feeling the “good” kind of tired, if you know what I mean.

I realize a lot of my prior blog posts have at times come off as panicky, and rightfully so I had all the reasons in the world to freak out.

But storms come and go, and I can finally at least say my sails are facing toward an ideal direction for once. I hope that my body can return back to a relatively, and more importantly, consistent sleeping schedule that I don’t have to feel embarrassed about (no more staying up until 3 a.m. or later because of insomnia.)

The insomnia was damaging to my well-being. My inability to sleep properly derived from all kinds of stress and personal pressure I put on myself (heck, I have even spotted some random white hairs in the mirror for a few weeks now.) I woke up exhausted, feeling upset at myself and everything going on in my life, but above all else I just felt like I had nothing to look forward to each day.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 20

New Anime Girl
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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 20’s Topic: New Year’s resolution.
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Hello there. I hope everyone had a pleasant New Year’s celebration.

I wasn’t particularly feeling well, and I so had to default to a lame, quiet evening of just trying to hang in there. Typical, oh so typical, shut-in behavior.

I’ve been an emotional wreck for this past week, just really on edge in my own ways and I have taken it upon myself to declare this New Year’s resolution as a result …

CUT DOWN ON THE NEGATIVITY IN MY LIFE THAT I ALWAYS CREATE FOR MYSELF.

This is an ambiguous resolution, almost a cop-out as some would call it, but it is something constantly looming on the back of my mind. I am my own worst enemy. Bar none. I continue to make situations difficult, whether it’s day or night, regardless of what time of the year it is.

If I could somehow make the “negative version” appear right in front of me, I would punch him right in the nose for making me feel so miserable when I am just trying to find ways to be upbeat and optimistic.

I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I am dying on the inside when I know I am more or less OK in a technical sense. I dread the next time I have to wade through the muck that is my emotional and mental well-being.

Everything constantly weighs down on me, everything always seems to be in shambles, but I continue to fight on. I have no choice and all. It’s either I keep battling through this negativity or I lose.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 18

Rich Anime Girl
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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 18’s Topic: Wealth.
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For the past two months, I have experienced a first-hand understanding of the meaning of wealth. Or in my case, the lack of … Needless to say, it’s obviously better to be wealthy than it is to be poor.

I am someone who grew up on the poor side of things as a kid along with my two younger brothers. My parents never had a lot of money between the two of them, but they sure tried their best to provide what they could. I remember my dad commuting all the way from Washington to Idaho to work at some crummy factory. He would leave early in the morning, and then he would make his way back home at night, often tired and crabby because he had to do it again throughout the rest of the week.

My mom always had some kind of cleaning job and usually a restaurant gig on the side as a waitress. That’s basically all she really knew how to do.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 11

Christmas

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 11’s Topic: The holidays.
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‘Tis the season for memories. Lots of nostalgic memories at that.

Growing up as the oldest brother of two younger brothers, all I can really recall from Christmas was a lot of “modest” experiences during the holidays. You see, my parents did not make a lot of money by any means.

We were far from dirt-poor, as my brothers and I always had clothes on our backs, a roof over our heads and my parents both worked jobs to put plenty of food on the table so we never starved or anything like that.

However, when it came to those materialistic concepts such as presents during Christmas, my brothers and I were kind of out of luck in that department. Even at a young age, my siblings and I learned to stop asking for stuff around Christmas because we weren’t getting them more than 90 percent of the time.

Well … at least in the traditional sense with the things being wrapped to be placed under a fancy Christmas tree (it would have been a mess to drag a tree into our living room anyway.)
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 10


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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 10’s Topic: Identity.
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“Nhan, who the heck are you?”

I guess it’s a good question you could probably ask me these days. And I wish I could give you a good, respectable answer. Truth be told, there are days where I don’t even know how to identify myself.

A lot has happened over the years. Some good things. Some bad things. And there are also some questionable things thrown into the mix as well. All of which has contributed in some shape or form toward creating my “identity” as a person to this day. However, let’s say our identities are like blank canvases, just waiting to be painted on with whatever comes to mind.

If you could take everything in your life and then splash it all over this canvas, what can people identity you as?

For some people, it’s pretty obvious.

Michael Jordan the basketball player.

Peyton Manning the quarterback.

Taylor Swift the singer.

There are millions of examples, but the point is these individuals all have their easily noted identities.

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