Tag Archives: Family

Everyday NhanSense – Day 44

angry-anime
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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 44’s Topic: Anger.
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Despite all the upside and happy moments as of late, I guess I can’t help but realize I have a bit of anger lingering in my soul. It’s unpleasant, it feels like I am burning up on the inside and the emotional aspect hurts. It outright hurts.

I don’t like being angry. I don’t like being that angry person in the room. Today, I literally yelled out of frustration, like I have been saving it in for too long and it needed to be let loose.

In this sense, anger is something I need to cut out of my life. It’s poison, unhealthy and just damaging to my well-being.

Who in their right mind wants to be angry? Why be mad when you can be glad instead?

That’s right. If you can be happy, you should be. And yet, sometimes, it’s basically unavoidable. Anger just randomly bursts out of me sometimes, catching me off-guard and forcing me to calm the heck down before it gets out of hand.

It’s the No. 1 emotion I am wary of as someone with mood swings. I have seen what anger can do to my father, a person who has struggled with mood swings, especially in regards to containing his anger throughout my whole childhood and then some. So it’s an everyday struggle to keep things from blowing the lid right off, and there are some days I feel like I barely manage to do even this …
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 30

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 30’s Topic: Mood swings.
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For the past week, my mood swings have become less chaotic. I feel happier … like things are truly going to work out for the best. A lot of people think mood swings come and go, and they are correct in that sense. But anyone who has THE mood swings, like the kind I have passed down from my father’s side, would know that there is more to it than just an occasional outburst of a given emotion.

At times, honestly, it can be downright scary which way my mood decides to swing down the spectrum. I sometimes can’t tell which direction my mood is going to go. As a result, I have learned to suppress my emotions with great success, but I suppose this makes me come off as stoic or socially awkward. In reality, it’s me bottling up how I am feeling.

Being sad and mad are two particular emotions I try to keep under lock and key in day-to-day situations. I like using video games as an ideal outlet for those bleh feelings you wouldn’t want out in the open, like when I am at the store or walking around a bunch of people.

I guess I was always that good kid when I was younger who learned not to make too many tantrums out in public.

However, for the sake of my well-being, I actively try to practice expressing happiness. A smile here and there. Maybe a grin at the bare minimum. Heck, someday, I may in fact laugh out loud with less fear of scrutiny of others. Then again, natural shyness keeps me feeling too embarrassed for that kind of stuff, at least for now.

Don’t get me wrong. I do in fact hate having mood swings. Sometimes, I feel like I am walking on eggshells with myself in a weird way, like I am just one brief moment from losing enough control that I end up blowing up out of pent-up rage and frustration.

Or maybe it’s because I have come across what mood swings can do to others firsthand growing up with my father. But let me make this clear – my dad was not in any shape or form an abusive dad. He has always been a hardworking guy who always tried to do what the man of the house should do, but he did not know how to control his mood swings. This was a given.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 19

Rin from the anime called "Little Busters."
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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 19’s Topic: Cats.
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I miss my two kitties … Tux and Kuro. Like, you don’t even know. It was an unfortunate consequence of my move over to this new town I am living in now – I had to leave my two babies behind.

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As much as I would have liked to bring my two cats with me, I had to make a tough decision about whether I would risk dragging them into unknown territory and if I could practically afford to keep taking care of them.

Ultimately, I made the right move, but it’s still a crappy choice to me nonetheless. In a perfect world, I could have taken my two kitties with me. But alas, life isn’t always fair in this regard.

But again, people don’t know how much I love these two ever-so-cuddly furballs. I was with them the since day one when they were brought home as tiny, adorable and puffy balls of joy who mewed at everything, as they were just always so curious about the world.

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Everyday NhanSense – Day 18

Rich Anime Girl
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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 18’s Topic: Wealth.
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For the past two months, I have experienced a first-hand understanding of the meaning of wealth. Or in my case, the lack of … Needless to say, it’s obviously better to be wealthy than it is to be poor.

I am someone who grew up on the poor side of things as a kid along with my two younger brothers. My parents never had a lot of money between the two of them, but they sure tried their best to provide what they could. I remember my dad commuting all the way from Washington to Idaho to work at some crummy factory. He would leave early in the morning, and then he would make his way back home at night, often tired and crabby because he had to do it again throughout the rest of the week.

My mom always had some kind of cleaning job and usually a restaurant gig on the side as a waitress. That’s basically all she really knew how to do.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 13

Christmas Girl
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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 13’s Topic: Christmas.
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Well, it’s the big day! Merry Christmas, everyone!

Because it’s the 25th of December, I am going to write out 25 wonderful, random memories from Christmas throughout my life. In no particular order of significance. Perhaps these Christmas memories growing up are not that exciting by any means, but heck … these random memories are still pleasant and precious to me nonetheless.

Now without further ado.

1. Getting to stay up all night because it was Christmas time (my dad normally would not let us stay up at nighttime.)
2. Playing video games with my little brothers. Super Nintendo. Nintendo 64. The works.
3. Getting cool gifts on Christmas.
4. Getting to eat my mom’s excellent, homemade and authentic Vietnamese cuisine like phở. Yum.
5. Playing out in the snow.
6. Building a snowman with my little brothers.
7. Playing with the neighbor kids during Christmas.
8. Hauling snow at my grandma’s house with my little brothers, trying to build a snow fort.
9. Snowball fights.
10. Drinking hot chocolate. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 12

Sad Anime Girl
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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 12’s Topic: Family.
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Well, I think it’s about time I reveal some aspects in regards to why I have been so bummed out for quite a long while.

To put it bluntly, I was kicked out of my home about two months ago. The “host” family I was staying with for roughly two-and-a-half years just came to me and said I had one week to find a place and leave.

Needless to say, I was devastated. But I understood that the No. 1 reason, money, was what led to the decision. I moved in with my “host” family due to various personal reasons. All the family members and pets liked me, and we got along for a good long time. They were nice enough not to charge me rent, I always had food, shelter, electricity and every other living thing I could need, but I could tell things were starting to grow tense as time went on.

From subtle things like not being told “goodnight” in the evenings to not greeting me like I was some ghost in the household became the norm. Honestly, I should have seen it coming sooner, but by then it was all too late. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 11

Christmas

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 11’s Topic: The holidays.
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‘Tis the season for memories. Lots of nostalgic memories at that.

Growing up as the oldest brother of two younger brothers, all I can really recall from Christmas was a lot of “modest” experiences during the holidays. You see, my parents did not make a lot of money by any means.

We were far from dirt-poor, as my brothers and I always had clothes on our backs, a roof over our heads and my parents both worked jobs to put plenty of food on the table so we never starved or anything like that.

However, when it came to those materialistic concepts such as presents during Christmas, my brothers and I were kind of out of luck in that department. Even at a young age, my siblings and I learned to stop asking for stuff around Christmas because we weren’t getting them more than 90 percent of the time.

Well … at least in the traditional sense with the things being wrapped to be placed under a fancy Christmas tree (it would have been a mess to drag a tree into our living room anyway.)
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