Tag Archives: Family

Everyday NhanSense – Day 75

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 75’s Topic: Gaming.
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I have a confession to make as a gamer – For the past few years, I haven’t played many other types of video games, at least in terms of actual gaming consoles and different genres.

Instead, I have played x amount of hours into two particular games.

The two most played games?

League of Legends and now Dota 2.

I play a very niche (well, not so much anymore) genre that is difficult to explain without going in depth, so I will leave it at that. Heck, even a lot of the avatars and backgrounds I use are Dota 2-related pictures or references in some fashion.

But don’t get me wrong.

By all means, I am still a gamer at heart. I will always be a gamer. Even until my last breath, I will still always think of myself as such.

Gaming is easily one of the most important things to me in all of existence. I have always loved gaming, especially as a child. There were certain joys and feelings of excitement that gaming could only bring me.

Those afternoons where I went over to play a two-player game with my friends.

The days my brother and I would tackle the last boss of a video game as a team on our Super Nintendo.

Or those evenings where my dad would take my brothers and I to the video store so we could rent video games … This last one, in particular, was probably one of my favorite treats as a kid.

There was always something appealing about getting to play a new game. And even as an adult, that wonder hasn’t fade. I will say, however, that life hasn’t given me much time as of late to sate my gaming urges.

And you know what?

That’s OK. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 71

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 71’s Topic: Friends.
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Finding friends is something on the agenda for me as of late. I am an introvert. I am a loner on some days.

But by all means, I need friends as much as the next person. Friends are people you can hang out with to mix up your routine. It’s nice to have someone to talk to about things rather than just being alone all the time.

As I always emphasize, I have never been Mr. Popular, but the friends I did have were important to me. You can’t put a price on the number of friends when all that matters is how good the friendships are. At least, this is what I like to think.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 53

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 53’s Topic: Competitive nature.
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If there is one attitude I wish I could implant into my younger self, it would have been a competitive edge. The fact is, for a long time, I was never a competitive person.

In academics, sports, video games or whatever. I didn’t really strive to be a bit better than the competition, as trivial as it may be, and thus I believe it led to a lot of things in my life not being a bit more … glamorous in terms of the glory I missed out on.

Winning is important. It’s a huge part of life. I don’t care what anyone else says. Winning is everything if you think about it.

Want that date with the person you like? You compete with others until nab that date.

Want the best grades on a test? Study harder and then outdo your peers.

Sports? Need I say more? Competition in America derives so much from professional sports.

Basically, I think the attitude of wanting to win is truly essential for everyday life. Without it, what gives you that extra push to do more? What drives you to allocate just a bit more energy for that last lap of the race?

Sure, competition can and will be ruthless, no matter what it is. I learned that the hard way when I graduated from college. I was too soft. I was too naive. I was too darn easygoing in a cutthroat competition the moment I stepped foot off of the college campus.

Had I been a bit tougher, a lot wiser and a whole heck of a lot meaner in my job pursuits … who knows?
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 48

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 48’s Topic: Crying.
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I don’t cry very often. Correction: it’s more like it’s hard for me to as an adult.

I know it’s probably because I am a guy, and with that social stigma looming that says that guys can’t cry, I probably am conscious of keeping my eyes dry no matter how sad I get.

Allow me to explain. I can say with complete and earnest truth that I am not a crybaby, at least in the sense that I do not outright bawl my eyes out very often, if at all. So physically on the outside, I have not let the waterworks come rushing down the cheeks if I can help it.

Now excluding being a baby and a young toddler (every little kid cries, after all), I will admit I was a bit of a wimp at a young age. I do recall crying and hiding behind my mom when I entered first grade and such, but these kind of moments are common and not that big of a deal.

However, I do remember other key moments in my life where crying meant something more.

For instance, one particular memory came back to me out of the blue today when I was waiting at the bus stop. It’s a very random one, so bear with me.

It was late at night, probably 7 or 8 p.m. or so. I was riding my bike around, just playing near the garage when I was like maybe third grade, give or take a grade. I just remember my dad having a mood swing, yelling and spouting something that got me really upset. Like, really, and I do mean really, upset to the point where I bolted off on my bike and rode around the neighborhood for like a good half an hour or so.

He said something in the vein of you are worthless, you aren’t good at anything … blah, blah, blah …

Basically, it rattled me. I was literally still in elementary school. What else was I supposed to think or do?

I rode away fast on my bike and started crying. I didn’t want to let my dad or anyone else see me. Not my mom. Not my brothers. Not the neighbors. No one. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 44

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 44’s Topic: Anger.
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Despite all the upside and happy moments as of late, I guess I can’t help but realize I have a bit of anger lingering in my soul. It’s unpleasant, it feels like I am burning up on the inside and the emotional aspect hurts. It outright hurts.

I don’t like being angry. I don’t like being that angry person in the room. Today, I literally yelled out of frustration, like I have been saving it in for too long and it needed to be let loose.

In this sense, anger is something I need to cut out of my life. It’s poison, unhealthy and just damaging to my well-being.

Who in their right mind wants to be angry? Why be mad when you can be glad instead?

That’s right. If you can be happy, you should be. And yet, sometimes, it’s basically unavoidable. Anger just randomly bursts out of me sometimes, catching me off-guard and forcing me to calm the heck down before it gets out of hand.

It’s the No. 1 emotion I am wary of as someone with mood swings. I have seen what anger can do to my father, a person who has struggled with mood swings, especially in regards to containing his anger throughout my whole childhood and then some. So it’s an everyday struggle to keep things from blowing the lid right off, and there are some days I feel like I barely manage to do even this …
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 30

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 30’s Topic: Mood swings.
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For the past week, my mood swings have become less chaotic. I feel happier … like things are truly going to work out for the best. A lot of people think mood swings come and go, and they are correct in that sense. But anyone who has THE mood swings, like the kind I have passed down from my father’s side, would know that there is more to it than just an occasional outburst of a given emotion.

At times, honestly, it can be downright scary which way my mood decides to swing down the spectrum. I sometimes can’t tell which direction my mood is going to go. As a result, I have learned to suppress my emotions with great success, but I suppose this makes me come off as stoic or socially awkward. In reality, it’s me bottling up how I am feeling.

Being sad and mad are two particular emotions I try to keep under lock and key in day-to-day situations. I like using video games as an ideal outlet for those bleh feelings you wouldn’t want out in the open, like when I am at the store or walking around a bunch of people.

I guess I was always that good kid when I was younger who learned not to make too many tantrums out in public.

However, for the sake of my well-being, I actively try to practice expressing happiness. A smile here and there. Maybe a grin at the bare minimum. Heck, someday, I may in fact laugh out loud with less fear of scrutiny of others. Then again, natural shyness keeps me feeling too embarrassed for that kind of stuff, at least for now.

Don’t get me wrong. I do in fact hate having mood swings. Sometimes, I feel like I am walking on eggshells with myself in a weird way, like I am just one brief moment from losing enough control that I end up blowing up out of pent-up rage and frustration.

Or maybe it’s because I have come across what mood swings can do to others firsthand growing up with my father. But let me make this clear – my dad was not in any shape or form an abusive dad. He has always been a hardworking guy who always tried to do what the man of the house should do, but he did not know how to control his mood swings. This was a given.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 19

Rin from the anime called "Little Busters."
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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 19’s Topic: Cats.
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I miss my two kitties … Tux and Kuro. Like, you don’t even know. It was an unfortunate consequence of my move over to this new town I am living in now – I had to leave my two babies behind.

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As much as I would have liked to bring my two cats with me, I had to make a tough decision about whether I would risk dragging them into unknown territory and if I could practically afford to keep taking care of them.

Ultimately, I made the right move, but it’s still a crappy choice to me nonetheless. In a perfect world, I could have taken my two kitties with me. But alas, life isn’t always fair in this regard.

But again, people don’t know how much I love these two ever-so-cuddly furballs. I was with them the since day one when they were brought home as tiny, adorable and puffy balls of joy who mewed at everything, as they were just always so curious about the world.

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