Tag Archives: Emotions

Everyday NhanSense – Day 30

Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 30’s Topic: Mood swings.
For the past week, my mood swings have become less chaotic. I feel happier … like things are truly going to work out for the best. A lot of people think mood swings come and go, and they are correct in that sense. But anyone who has THE mood swings, like the kind I have passed down from my father’s side, would know that there is more to it than just an occasional outburst of a given emotion.

At times, honestly, it can be downright scary which way my mood decides to swing down the spectrum. I sometimes can’t tell which direction my mood is going to go. As a result, I have learned to suppress my emotions with great success, but I suppose this makes me come off as stoic or socially awkward. In reality, it’s me bottling up how I am feeling.

Being sad and mad are two particular emotions I try to keep under lock and key in day-to-day situations. I like using video games as an ideal outlet for those bleh feelings you wouldn’t want out in the open, like when I am at the store or walking around a bunch of people.

I guess I was always that good kid when I was younger who learned not to make too many tantrums out in public.

However, for the sake of my well-being, I actively try to practice expressing happiness. A smile here and there. Maybe a grin at the bare minimum. Heck, someday, I may in fact laugh out loud with less fear of scrutiny of others. Then again, natural shyness keeps me feeling too embarrassed for that kind of stuff, at least for now.

Don’t get me wrong. I do in fact hate having mood swings. Sometimes, I feel like I am walking on eggshells with myself in a weird way, like I am just one brief moment from losing enough control that I end up blowing up out of pent-up rage and frustration.

Or maybe it’s because I have come across what mood swings can do to others firsthand growing up with my father. But let me make this clear – my dad was not in any shape or form an abusive dad. He has always been a hardworking guy who always tried to do what the man of the house should do, but he did not know how to control his mood swings. This was a given.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 10

Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 10’s Topic: Identity.
“Nhan, who the heck are you?”

I guess it’s a good question you could probably ask me these days. And I wish I could give you a good, respectable answer. Truth be told, there are days where I don’t even know how to identify myself.

A lot has happened over the years. Some good things. Some bad things. And there are also some questionable things thrown into the mix as well. All of which has contributed in some shape or form toward creating my “identity” as a person to this day. However, let’s say our identities are like blank canvases, just waiting to be painted on with whatever comes to mind.

If you could take everything in your life and then splash it all over this canvas, what can people identity you as?

For some people, it’s pretty obvious.

Michael Jordan the basketball player.

Peyton Manning the quarterback.

Taylor Swift the singer.

There are millions of examples, but the point is these individuals all have their easily noted identities.

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Daily NhanSense – Day 24

Daily NhanSense: Every day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 24’s Topic: Emotions.

I have not been very good with my emotions for the past few years. One could say I have turned into an emotional wreck on some really bad days. I have learned how to cope with methods like suppressing my feelings, but it just seems to come out as a huge backlash when the buildup becomes too intense to hold back.

Day in and day out, I suppress and I suppress, but then the lid has to come blasting off at some point. I have annoyed a lot of people with who I am, at least the ones unfortunate enough to see the unpleasant side of me.

I snap. And then things go silent.

Sympathy becomes reluctance to hear me out.

I say sorry, and then the process repeats itself with little forward progress being made.

I hate this cycle. I need to break it.

“Get good. Be better.” – Nhan Fiction

Daily NhanSense – Day 18

Daily NhanSense: Every day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 18’s Topic: Despair.

If there is one thing I am open to admitting as a weakness, it’s the fact that a lot of things can throw off my “vibe.” I truly loathe this aspect about me as a person, to the point where I desire functioning day-to-day without worrying that something is going to topple my emotional house of cards down.

If it’s even a whiff of discouragement or something else that’s negative heading my way, I have to brace myself more than I should. That kind of stuff is absurdly effective against me.

Being emotionally tough is a respectable trait to have to your name. I won’t say I am outright super sensitive for a guy per se, but I certainly can’t let things slide past me like it’s no big deal.
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The 54th Deadline: Turning Point

The 54th Deadline: Life is a series of chances to achieve something by a given point. You might very well miss out on opportunities if you are not careful. However, I firmly believe that God gives us plenty of means to find our way, even if we mess up here and there. After all, life demands deadlines. Try and try again until your goals and dreams are realized. Strive to finish on a successful note with whatever you set out to do. Always.
I have a bit of a dark secret concerning my past few years … I have been overly pissed off in more ways than one. I just try to hide it through outlets and other therapeutic means.

But enough is enough.

You can call it what you want, but the rage has been building for so long now. I can’t even contain it anymore. Everything really wants to come out. It takes a lot of excess energy to suppress and keep things in check, but I feel like I am at my personal limit.

What have I been mad about? Well, there are lots of things to feel anger toward.

My circumstances. My toxic mindset that pops up often. And a bunch of other things that just drive me into a corner, making me want to suppress a lot of the negative stuff before something bad happens.

But everything comes full circle to the point where I wonder why I try so hard to hold back … It’s not like I am doing myself a favor by letting these feelings burn through me from the inside out. Just a random incident here and there really urges me to let loose for once.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I understand what I am feeling can be at times illogical and borderline on the petty side, but I can’t help but feel how I feel about things.

For instance, something that continues to grind my gears is people ignoring me for whatever reason. I have grown accustomed to others not giving a damn about me, thinking that I am some lost cause or something. Like I don’t matter. Like I am a big joke that needs to be forgotten about … But this in turn just infuriates me to no end.

I’m human, after all. Humans are supposed to get their buttons pushed once and a while. For me, I have been a perpetual punching bag from life itself. I know a chunk of the personal beatings stem from my own wrongdoings, but then this is where others were supposed to come in to give me a helping hand.

And to those who have stuck around me for this whole time, I can’t help but give you a “You’re awesome!” for trying to stick with me through thick and thin. And yet, for everyone else … well, let’s just say I don’t have many polite words in my vocabulary to utter.

Of course, I realize some of this isn’t the other people’s fault per se. Everyone has their respective lives to live, and everyone should have the right to choose who they interact with and whatnot.

However, I guess it goes to show that I have a lot of problematic areas in my own life to sort out. It just feels like many screws are loose that keep me from feeling “complete,” and thus this in itself explains why I have grown so dependent of finding “comfort” to help keep me mentally and emotionally afloat.

I completely realize I should not let so many things get to me. Not many individuals are attempting to be mean or rude to me on purpose, but something upstairs keeps telling me this is how I should perceive it. And this cycle keeps occurring over and over again until I don’t even know what’s correct or incorrect anymore, what’s normal or an injustice, what’s blatant or subtle … Continue reading

Abide by the Vibe: Feelings of Fury

“We all abide by the vibe we create for ourselves.”

Sometimes, you just happen to get those days where you become infuriated for whatever reason.

You become irritable, and your anger is clouding any sense of judgment so you snap at stupid things.

It hurts to be angry. Yes, it hurts to be angry.

You want to shout and scream at the top of your lungs because you want to let it all out.

“We all abide by the vibe we create for ourselves.” Continue reading