Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.
Day 30’s Topic: Mood swings.
For the past week, my mood swings have become less chaotic. I feel happier … like things are truly going to work out for the best. A lot of people think mood swings come and go, and they are correct in that sense. But anyone who has THE mood swings, like the kind I have passed down from my father’s side, would know that there is more to it than just an occasional outburst of a given emotion.
At times, honestly, it can be downright scary which way my mood decides to swing down the spectrum. I sometimes can’t tell which direction my mood is going to go. As a result, I have learned to suppress my emotions with great success, but I suppose this makes me come off as stoic or socially awkward. In reality, it’s me bottling up how I am feeling.
Being sad and mad are two particular emotions I try to keep under lock and key in day-to-day situations. I like using video games as an ideal outlet for those bleh feelings you wouldn’t want out in the open, like when I am at the store or walking around a bunch of people.
I guess I was always that good kid when I was younger who learned not to make too many tantrums out in public.
However, for the sake of my well-being, I actively try to practice expressing happiness. A smile here and there. Maybe a grin at the bare minimum. Heck, someday, I may in fact laugh out loud with less fear of scrutiny of others. Then again, natural shyness keeps me feeling too embarrassed for that kind of stuff, at least for now.
Don’t get me wrong. I do in fact hate having mood swings. Sometimes, I feel like I am walking on eggshells with myself in a weird way, like I am just one brief moment from losing enough control that I end up blowing up out of pent-up rage and frustration.
Or maybe it’s because I have come across what mood swings can do to others firsthand growing up with my father. But let me make this clear – my dad was not in any shape or form an abusive dad. He has always been a hardworking guy who always tried to do what the man of the house should do, but he did not know how to control his mood swings. This was a given.