Tag Archives: Emotions

Everyday NhanSense – Day 113

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 113’s Topic: Easter.
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Hi everyone.

I hope you all had a great Easter. For me, well, I was feeling a bit blue to be honest for the whole day. It reached a point I am all too familiar with, where I feel really antisocial. Feeling like a shut-in like this, on Easter no less, sucks.

I would rather be with my friends and family. Instead, I found myself napping all day. Not exactly exhilarating by any means.

Even as I continue to advance forward in life, I find these uneventful days to be a reminder that I am not well. I am not quite there so to speak.
Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 110


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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 110’s Topic: A roller coaster of emotions.
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Today was just one of those days where I had to experience the ill effects of my prominent mood swings.

I used to be very hush-hush about my mood swings, pretending they weren’t such a big deal. In reality, they affect me for better or for worse each day in some degree. There are no patterns to follow. There is no real way of me knowing what’s going to be felt emotionally for a given day. It’s all very random.

I can be happy one second, completely mad the next and something else in between just a mere moment afterward.

What a roller coaster of emotions.

In fact, these mood swings of mine create so many inconsistencies in my life. I wish I could be one thing, but I just can’t be. The ride is up and down, sideways with some loops thrown into the mix.

Perhaps I would be more content with life knowing that my own emotional track was something more simple and straightforward by design, but instead I must deal with something so absurdly random that it bothers the heck out of me to no end.

Sigh. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 78

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 78’s Topic: Understanding.
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Lately, I have had the urge to be more open about my random problems I deal with on a daily basis. In particular, I have found myself often telling others I have the serious kind of mood swings, which affect me by constantly messing with my emotions in an unpredictable manner.

In a sense, perhaps I am wanting more understanding about what I attempt to keep well under control every day, every hour and probably until my last breath.

But that’s OK. I don’t expect modern medicine to develop a complete “cure” for mood swings or anything like that in the near future. Medication exists to balance out the mood, but I don’t want to partake in such a pill-popping commitment. There are more pressing illnesses out there like cancer that need more attention.

Mood swings, ultimately, can just make things a bit erratic, so to speak. I can be happy one minute and then feel completely sad the next, as an example.

Not the end of the world. However, I do in fact wish there were days I could just let my emotions run the proper and natural gamut without me needing to … pretend that I am a normal person?

And that’s the thing. I know I am not normal like others, though I don’t really want to imply it’s that much of a handicap.

Like, you see, if I were in a wheelchair, it would be easy for others to understand that something isn’t quite the same with me. With mood swings, combined with my nerdy and social awkwardness on top of it, everything projects the wrong kind of things I should be showcasing about my personality. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 74

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 74’s Topic: The other “you” in life.
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Compared to yesterday, I was much calmer by comparison.

There are days I swear I have another “me” just trying to get loose. Whether it’s a figment of my imagination or it’s just how I feel when I need to entertain myself upstairs, I honestly don’t have a clue.

But seriously, today felt way different in a good way. I was less frustrated, more in-tune with what I was doing and more aware of dialing back the bad feelings whenever they came up. Sure, I’ll admit I may have been a tad sluggish than usual, but you can’t have it all sometimes.

Nonetheless, the other “me” always wants to find fault with whatever I am doing and attempt to rationalize emotions that are basically toxic and dangerous if they were allowed to fester.

But you know what? They shouldn’t matter if I just brush them aside, stay mellow and allow myself to do what needs to be done to be productive.

Everyone, mood swings or not, has to deal with a myriad of emotions and feelings on a daily basis. Though my mood swings can prove random and difficult to predict, I manage by trying to keep the attention fixated on that spot of zen on the spectrum. When I achieve a sense of personal enlightenment, life can feel good.

However, it’s of course not always easy to find that right spot, and so we all come across situations where we may miss the mark at times.
Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 61

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 61’s Topic: Finding reasons to be happy.
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Days like today remind me why I want to find true happiness. For the second half of the day, I was feeling gloomy as heck. Totally blue. I kept it to myself as best as I could. I have had to learn to find ways of keeping it somewhat together before things get really out of hand.

For me when I am sad, I can’t really cry.

Mood swings are so fickle like that. I am perfectly A-OK one minute, and then it’s like a roulette of emotions at the drop of a dime. I never know what I am going to feel.

It’s anger one day.

It’s sadness the other.

Why can’t I just be happy?

I ask myself all the time. Why can’t I just lock onto the feelings of joy and maintain that every single day? Boy, life would be a lot better for sure.

At the same time, I wonder if I am just destined to be like this forever … Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 56

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 56’s Topic: Serenity.
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Yesterday, I felt a lot of uneasiness in the morning. I felt off my game at work, which reached a point where I thought I was about to lose control of it all.

I wanted to find that happy medium, so I clammed up and kept to myself. I wanted to scream out loud, but I knew I shouldn’t. I wanted to punch a wall, but I knew I shouldn’t.

Days like this happen to the best of us. They come and go. It’s only natural, of course. You aren’t going to be perfect 100 percent of the time, but I suppose I was just more irritated at myself that I was so aware of how much I was screwing up.

But when it came time to leave work, I retreated far from it all as fast as I could, ran an errand or two, blew off some steam and then collected myself before things could get out of hand. I found some sense of serenity amid the inner chaos and turmoil. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 48

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 48’s Topic: Crying.
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I don’t cry very often. Correction: it’s more like it’s hard for me to as an adult.

I know it’s probably because I am a guy, and with that social stigma looming that says that guys can’t cry, I probably am conscious of keeping my eyes dry no matter how sad I get.

Allow me to explain. I can say with complete and earnest truth that I am not a crybaby, at least in the sense that I do not outright bawl my eyes out very often, if at all. So physically on the outside, I have not let the waterworks come rushing down the cheeks if I can help it.

Now excluding being a baby and a young toddler (every little kid cries, after all), I will admit I was a bit of a wimp at a young age. I do recall crying and hiding behind my mom when I entered first grade and such, but these kind of moments are common and not that big of a deal.

However, I do remember other key moments in my life where crying meant something more.

For instance, one particular memory came back to me out of the blue today when I was waiting at the bus stop. It’s a very random one, so bear with me.

It was late at night, probably 7 or 8 p.m. or so. I was riding my bike around, just playing near the garage when I was like maybe third grade, give or take a grade. I just remember my dad having a mood swing, yelling and spouting something that got me really upset. Like, really, and I do mean really, upset to the point where I bolted off on my bike and rode around the neighborhood for like a good half an hour or so.

He said something in the vein of you are worthless, you aren’t good at anything … blah, blah, blah …

Basically, it rattled me. I was literally still in elementary school. What else was I supposed to think or do?

I rode away fast on my bike and started crying. I didn’t want to let my dad or anyone else see me. Not my mom. Not my brothers. Not the neighbors. No one. Continue reading