The 54th Deadline: New Vision

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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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It took a few years, but I finally got new glasses.

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They are some pretty nice specs. I had the glasses below for about five years or so, meaning they were long overdue to be replaced at some point.

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I have taken pride in never ever breaking my glasses once throughout my whole life, and these frames were no different. The coating on the lenses, over time, just got dirty and stuff. Heck, the eye doctor even told me my prescription itself hasn’t changed that much despite the big gap of time in between, surprisingly anyway.

Regardless, buying new glasses was a big step for me as an individual. For a while, I realized I needed to get an eye exam so I could purchase updated glasses. It was getting annoying with seeing signs blurry from such modest distances and having to squint just to read a menu at a McDonald’s or something.

Not anymore.

As I don on my new specs, I feel pride in me taking another step toward being an independent adult.

This was the first time I made a major purchase in this regard. It was always my mom who would have to take care of this random expense, but now I can finally say I did it on my own.

One step toward true adulthood! (I guess?)

Now, let me tell you one thing – there was a point I refused to wear glasses.

Cue fifth grade. I was having a lot of trouble seeing the stuff on the board in class. You know the drill.

I knew the main culprits for my lackluster vision involved a combination of too much TV watching and video games. And I sure as heck wasn’t going to drop these beloved hobbies of mine at this age. No way.

The teacher comments on how I am having a hard time reading stuff from far away. Eventually, it leads to my mom taking me to the eye doctor. I literally bawled my eyes out like a baby. I was so afraid of the other kids calling me those typical nicknames like Four Eyes or a nerd.

Gosh, denial was such a difficult thing to grasp when you aren’t mature yet, don’t you think?
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The 54th Deadline: Meet Mango

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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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Meet Mango. My new cat.

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I adopted Mango this past weekend, and it’s safe to say I have become totally attached to this ball of fur.

I named her Mango because of her orange/yellow color and because she is so darn sweet in temperament. She follows me around already, meowing at me to pet and love her. She is by all means the ideal cat for someone like me.

I had to mull over the decision to adopt a cat carefully. I don’t make a lot of extra money per se, but I was willing to bite the bullet on the expenses to bring home a feline friend if I found the right cat.

Mango (originally named Ruby at the shelter) was a cat who was surrendered to the animal shelter because she was one animal too many. My guess is she was part of some kind of animal hoarder, but it’s not like she was dragged to the shelter due to behavioral problems.

She has already had kittens before at some point during her two years of age. She was deemed friendly and approachable at the shelter. There weren’t really a lot of negatives to factor in for her.

I ruled out getting a kitten because you actually have to be there during the initial stages during a kitty’s development to make sure they grow up correctly with the right behavioral habits.

I have to work a lot. I have some bills to pay, and though they are not that much compared to others, it still means I have to put in my share of hours each week to make sure I continue to stay afloat. As a result, it would mean Mango or any other cat I choose to adopt in the future would have to get used to not seeing me at home for extended times.

It’s tough, but it is what it is. It can’t be helped.

At least with an older cat, what you see is what you are more or less going to get when it comes to adoption. Mango had the right kind of personality I was looking for: calm, but at the same time she didn’t raise any red flags like she would rip up my stuff when I am not there.

Mango cried out at me during my shelter visits, and she was kind of enough to approach me and let me hold her. Not to mention, she didn’t look like some kind of troublemaker I had to think twice about leaving home alone for long periods of time, which is something that can’t be avoided in my current situation.

Before I knew it, I had already found myself signing the adoption papers to bring her home for real.

Mango so far has been a real joy to my life. Continue reading

The 54th Deadline: Opening Up


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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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There are days where I contemplate how much persistence, patience and energy I have invested toward my own “recovery” and why I haven’t quite solved all of the mysteries yet. Then again, I realize some damage is difficult to heal, and I certainly have sustained and suffered my share of problems throughout the years.

I count my blessings. I ponder about the possibilities. I think back about all that has hurt me and why I continue to dwell on stuff I should have let go completely from long ago. But regardless of what I do and what I shouldn’t do, life continues.

This is the fact we all have to acknowledge.

Life continues. And it will always do so until the end of time.

Sure, my life within these past five years have had a lot of crummy (OK, absurdly horrid) defeats in the form a lot of self-loathing and whatnot. And sure, I have had made my share of attempts at finding success in overcoming said defeats.

But of course, this is why people call it a struggle. It’s not like you can unwind everything and put it all back in its place in a nice and neat fashion. Oh heck no! That would be too easy.

The word I often say a lot now is “process,” a word that definitely reflects a lot about my current endeavors in life.

I have been undergoing a process at bettering myself. I don’t always make all the right moves. Trust me. I have made more blunders than anything else, and yet I keep taking cracks at it until things slowly move toward the direction I want it to go.B2XDebDCIAAtwNj

But is it ever enough? That’s the big question I keep asking myself.

Take these past few days, for instance. I realize the place I am living in has little to no furniture. Like, come on! I know I am not that wealthy at the moment to afford splurging on nice chairs and tables.

Keep in mind I am someone who spent a few months eating his meals off of a tub, a literal tub, where I placed a paper towel on to keep the surface clean. And not to mention, this tub was what I used to sit by the computer as well.

Was I being resourceful with what I had (I was, by all means, super poor at the time), or was I just not smart about it?
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The 54th Deadline: Waiting in the Darkness

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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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For five years and counting, I have been waiting in my own perpetual darkness. At one point, I feared for the worst when my world crumbled around me, and I couldn’t help but “run away” from my insecurities and problems instead of facing them directly like a courageous person.

Alas, I was a weak individual. A scaredy-cat. Insert whatever negative word. It doesn’t matter.

The point is, ultimately, I ran away to hide from my problems. Much like a child who hides under their blanket when they get scared, I hid underneath a security blanket called cowardice.

I was hoping the spooky stuff would magically go away, It didn’t. Instead, things grew more and more intense as time went on, which elevated my dilemma into a personal, full-blown disaster.

So I moped away in my own darkness, letting it consume me from within until I had enough of it.

I waited like the problems could go away on their own if I endured, thinking perhaps light would come shining in to illuminate the right path before me. Eventually. Eventually, I kept thinking.

It didn’t happen like that. Not quite, anyway.

Don’t get me wrong. When you’re a depressed mess, things just get to you. I certainly had my share of self-defeating thoughts that could last me a lifetime.

But after a while, you get weary of the constant negativity. You want to squelch all of the, “It’s never going to get better” remnants floating around in your mind. In their place, you have to scrape up some sense of hope, some sense of optimism that things will in fact improve.

And they have for me, albeit slowly. Everything has been a gradual crawl, but hey … at least it’s in the right direction!

To wait in this darkness for so long, one must think I am nuts, right?
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Opinion: What does it mean to be an anime or manga fan?

Nhan Fiction:

For fellow anime fans out there. :)

Originally posted on Our Inked Obsession:

Well, it’s my 100th article on this website. It’s been a great opportunity to write about the mediums I love on a public space. I think what’s brought me the most joy is the reaction people initially when they hear about my blog. “You’re into that stuff?” they ask. I proudly respond that I am and explain to them briefly that, to me, anime and manga are just as interesting and complex as any other form of entertainment. They usually get it and almost certainly get it when they later read my writing. It’s been absolutely rewarding for me to defend a medium that is still misunderstood by many today.

As a sort of reflection, I’m going to take a break from reviews and take some time to think about my obsession and understand what it really means to be a fan of anime and manga.

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The 54th Deadline: Putting the Pieces Together

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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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By all means, I have been an enigma as an individual.

I have been scatterbrained.

I have lacked focus.

I have been struggling to muster up adequate motivation to achieve what needs to be done in a timely fashion.

So as a result, I feel “incomplete” at the moment. For a long time now, my goals seem unclear even to myself. My aspirations seem distant. My determination, though constant, isn’t as strong as it should be in the face of my own limits and weaknesses.

I feel like I am dawdling. I feel like I am not being productive when I have all the tools and means to accomplish everything I put my mind to, and this herein lies the main problem with myself – the enigma that is my well-being is broken up into so many pieces.

For me to become “OK” when everything is said and done, it’s up to me to figure out how to tackle this puzzle on my own and ultimately solve it so I can finally discover the big picture waiting for me when I finish.

Will the payoff be worth it in the end? I sure hope so. There are no guarantees, but one has to have some sense of optimism for themselves. Life’s a really twisted game in this regard. It’s not like these pieces are all right in front of me. No way. Definitely not the case.

Everything has been thrown around all over the place, adding further difficulty to something that has already presented itself as a grueling challenge.

Trust me. I know firsthand.

It’s been five years and counting. It doesn’t get any easier. It just goes to show how much perseverance one has to have to keep trying. Because, let’s face it – I began this game while already missing a few pieces from this puzzle to begin with when the personal meltdown took effect.

Allow me to explain. Continue reading

The 54th Deadline: To Continue Dreaming

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The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
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It’s a wonderful thing to dream. Like everyone else as a child, dreams kept me going. Dreams kept me motivated to stay in school, get good grades and all that stuff we’re all supposed to strive for because it’s the appropriate course of action. With any luck, all of the effort would be rewarded at some point.

Eventually, our dreams should materialize into something worthwhile, or so we are told.

When you’re a clueless/naive kid, you don’t know what the heck you want to be. I thought I could be a firefighter for example. There was a point where I thought I could easily become a video game developer.

Of course, as I got older and eventually found myself in college and choosing a major, I opted for journalism. I wanted to be a journalist. A journalist. And nothing more.

But without having to repeat myself entirely this time, I will sum up the gist of what happened roughly five years ago – I screwed up. Badly, I have to add. And so badly that it has been a long, arduous process to reverse and actually attempt to heal some of the mental and emotional damage I had to endure.

So just like that, my dream faded for the time being. It would be years before I thought I could have some semblance of a normal person. It would be literally a year and a half after graduating college before I even found a “job” to escape that cruddy unemployment tag.

What a glorious dream, right? I had the hopes and aspirations to become a young, potentially talented reporter/editor in the making! Well, at the very least, this was the plan.

Nothing quite panned out that way at all. I have to say.

But I digress.
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