Author Archives: Nhan Fiction

About Nhan Fiction

I am a writer and a gamer. I am just a guy who is trying to be a cool cat in a dog-eat-dog world.

Everyday NhanSense – Day 50


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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 50’s Topic: Liking that people respect you for being you.
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When it comes to one’s dignity, it’s important to like yourself for being you. Do you like who you are on a day-to-day basis? Could you be friends with yourself?

Basically, it’s a matter of seeing things from an outside perspective. Sure, we all reside in our own little worlds, but how does everyone else see us from their point of view?

For me, I like to think I am a likable person if you give me the chance. I respect people’s boundaries, I am considerate and I don’t try to change myself to put up a facade. Instead, I prefer being me every single day. Every single darn day.

That’s how I roll.

I get it. I am a geek. I am a nerd. Whatever you want to call me, it all doesn’t matter. It’s rather moot, really, because I know who I am. But beyond the surface, I am a hard worker, I am a deep thinker, I am someone with a new lease on life and I keep trying to strive for self-improvement each day.

I may have my emotional flaws, I am not perfect, but then again … who the heck is?
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 49

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 49’s Topic: Laughing things off.
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Do you want to know who I think are the happiest people on this planet?

The ones who can laugh off things like it’s no big deal.

Tonight after my card game tournament, I experienced this kind of feeling for the first time in a long while. I did utterly terrible in terms of performance. I dropped near the bottom of the rankings and managed to eek out a victory in the end to avoid the goose egg of “0” wins.

And you know what? I am not mad, sad or anything negative. Quite the opposite, really.

In a sense, I am happy, relieved even, that I managed to brush off losing so hard. Yeah, I could make excuses that I lost because I wasn’t on my game today or it was because I altered my deck as an experiment, which I did, but that all doesn’t matter.

I had fun regardless. This is something I wish I could apply more to daily life, and then I would be such a happier camper with less of the stress and drama to bog me down.

If you were to come across the old me from just a few years back, I probably would have rushed home after the tournament to mope that I lost so badly, but instead I stayed a few extra hours and had a lot of conversations with others. Heck, I even bartered with a few people for some good card trades to help improve my deck.

This is something, by the way, that a shy person like myself has a hard time. I asked politely and traded with confidence. I even ended the trades with a handshake and a thank you.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 48

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 48’s Topic: Crying.
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I don’t cry very often. Correction: it’s more like it’s hard for me to as an adult.

I know it’s probably because I am a guy, and with that social stigma looming that says that guys can’t cry, I probably am conscious of keeping my eyes dry no matter how sad I get.

Allow me to explain. I can say with complete and earnest truth that I am not a crybaby, at least in the sense that I do not outright bawl my eyes out very often, if at all. So physically on the outside, I have not let the waterworks come rushing down the cheeks if I can help it.

Now excluding being a baby and a young toddler (every little kid cries, after all), I will admit I was a bit of a wimp at a young age. I do recall crying and hiding behind my mom when I entered first grade and such, but these kind of moments are common and not that big of a deal.

However, I do remember other key moments in my life where crying meant something more.

For instance, one particular memory came back to me out of the blue today when I was waiting at the bus stop. It’s a very random one, so bear with me.

It was late at night, probably 7 or 8 p.m. or so. I was riding my bike around, just playing near the garage when I was like maybe third grade, give or take a grade. I just remember my dad having a mood swing, yelling and spouting something that got me really upset. Like, really, and I do mean really, upset to the point where I bolted off on my bike and rode around the neighborhood for like a good half an hour or so.

He said something in the vein of you are worthless, you aren’t good at anything … blah, blah, blah …

Basically, it rattled me. I was literally still in elementary school. What else was I supposed to think or do?

I rode away fast on my bike and started crying. I didn’t want to let my dad or anyone else see me. Not my mom. Not my brothers. Not the neighbors. No one. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 47


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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 47’s Topic: Childhood dreams.
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When you’re a kid, you don’t really know what you want when you’re older, do you?

I know I sure as heck didn’t know. I thought I did.

I was going to make video games and work for Nintendo. I wrote a letter to the company’s American branch as a class assignment in sixth grade. I was so sure that was the path I was going to take in life. Guess what? I ended up not going down that path. I am not going to say things didn’t pan out, but it was more that you come across different forks in the road and you have to make a choice.

You have no clue what each destination will ultimately take you, but I guess this is the challenge about living out your life.

Things certainly are easier when you are a kid in this regard. Ignorance is bliss, after all. You think the whole world is your oyster, and we are fed with the notion that we can be anything if we all try to be.

The reality is, however, we cannot all have certain dreams come true for whatever reason.

For instance, due to my height being something less than six feet tall and lack of coordination or ball skills, there was no way I would end up playing in the NBA as a basketball star. Not gonna happen.

Nope.

No way, Jose.

It would be impossible.

But you know what? I don’t have to be an NBA star. It’s not what I want to do, anyway.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 46

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 46’s Topic: Frustration.
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Ugh, today was a day I wish I could just pry open my head and take a look at what’s bothering me. Because, oh boy, today was quite a doozy, emotionally anyway.

I just suddenly felt super frustrated near the end of my shift at work for some reason. I do not know exactly why in the sense that it just came up abruptly, literally out of nowhere. Maybe it was a case of my mood swings going a bit haywire, but then again I am pretty good at keeping the emotions under wraps for a majority of the time.

Ack, I wish I could just toss away these stupid feelings. It makes me feel unmotivated, just not passionate enough to stir up some momentum.

Again, life has been more than fine for me. Better than OK, honestly.

Lots of ups and less downs to drag me down into the pits of despair and self-loathing. But regardless, I have felt like a mess in the past few hours. I am scared. I am frightened.

But why?!
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 45

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 45’s Topic: Cooking.
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At the risk of sounding melodramatic, I have to talk about how cooking literally saved my life many years back.

I was at my wit’s end. My depression was at its worst levels, forcing me into desperation. It took a lot of time for me to muster up some sense of courage to find solutions when everything in the world seemed problematic to me.

I met with my middle school teacher back from when I was in eighth grade for answers to my questions. We talked, and she pointed out how her son worked as a cook at a local restaurant. She said go meet him and ask for a job there as a dishwasher.

Long story short, I ended up getting that dishwasher position. It began as a once-a-week thing because the other dishwasher happened to be sick that one Friday afternoon, so that’s how I got the chance to break away from my unemployment. Go figure.

It was my first job after a year and a half of unemployment, where each jobless day made me question everything dear to me. At face value, yeah, it was a dishwasher gig. A lot of people make fun of the position, thinking it’s bottom of the barrel, but a good dishwasher is paramount for any restaurant.

Keep in mind that basically every customer who comes to a restaurant has to leave something for the dishwasher to take care of in some shape or form.

Utensils, plates and a whole lot more.

Basically, if you think it’s a dirty job, well, it can be, but someone has to do it. If you have never had to stare at a stack of dishes as tall as you are, then you shouldn’t talk until you’ve had to tackle the challenge with nothing other than elbow grease and determination to make sure the next batch of customers have clean plates waiting for them on the tables with spoons and forks, all spick-and-span.

Anyway, before this turns into a rant about how vital washing dishes is for a restaurant, let’s get back to the topic of cooking.

I absolutely love cooking. It has become more than just a hobby I wish I could do more of in my current situation. It’s a way of life.
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Everyday NhanSense – Day 44

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Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 44’s Topic: Anger.
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Despite all the upside and happy moments as of late, I guess I can’t help but realize I have a bit of anger lingering in my soul. It’s unpleasant, it feels like I am burning up on the inside and the emotional aspect hurts. It outright hurts.

I don’t like being angry. I don’t like being that angry person in the room. Today, I literally yelled out of frustration, like I have been saving it in for too long and it needed to be let loose.

In this sense, anger is something I need to cut out of my life. It’s poison, unhealthy and just damaging to my well-being.

Who in their right mind wants to be angry? Why be mad when you can be glad instead?

That’s right. If you can be happy, you should be. And yet, sometimes, it’s basically unavoidable. Anger just randomly bursts out of me sometimes, catching me off-guard and forcing me to calm the heck down before it gets out of hand.

It’s the No. 1 emotion I am wary of as someone with mood swings. I have seen what anger can do to my father, a person who has struggled with mood swings, especially in regards to containing his anger throughout my whole childhood and then some. So it’s an everyday struggle to keep things from blowing the lid right off, and there are some days I feel like I barely manage to do even this …
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