I guess I have always found it strange to be curious of whether I was a “normal” person or not. I put up a lot of walls of denial that tried to justify why I acted the way I did in a given scenario where social skills are needed. I cannot count how many times I would end up being an oddball in conversations, or how simple interactions would quickly devolve into me wanting to turn invisible and disappear without a trace.
Like, there is being a bit shy and bashful with opening up around others, but my type of reluctance where I cannot muster a single, coherent sentence at times is downright pathetic. It is like putting up a constant aura that pushes others away from me, which is very counterproductive when I genuinely want to improve socially and get to know people.