Clashing Dragons Part 3
For long time, I thought you were moderately content with the progress I’ve made throughout this past year and a half, the personal struggles I had to endure, the days where you thought I was sitting around and “doing nothing” as you ignorantly put it.
Well, now you have gone and done it. You managed to reopen wounds I thought could finally get some time to heal. So you come barging into my room, yelling at me that I should “move on” with my life and get out of this household. You give me this sticky note with a name and organization I have no clue about, and then you expect me to go and apply to this place on the fly with the thought that I can just move out to Portland immediately, especially considering all the effort it took me to get this far in this economy?
Honestly, are you as stupid as I think you are?
You sir, father, are a moron. I will be blunt. I will no longer try to sugarcoat it anymore. Your sense of reasoning at this point in your life has since diminished due to your multiple health problems, your countless stress-induced attacks that you inflict on your own well-being and your inability to think clearly in the grand scheme of things.
So let’s go through a quick list of a few of your “points” about my current situation, which I will quickly shoot down because I am not an idiot.
1) I don’t want you to stay at this house any longer.
Well gee whiz, you act like I wanted to continue living at home like the stereotypical, struggling college graduate. News flash – I wanted to leave from the start. This is why I was so adamant about finding work AWAY from where we live. Gosh, please think about this. The last thing I want to do in this world right now is live with you, father, especially when you make it easy for me to find reasons to long for the day I can say sayonara to you with glee.
2) I spoke with a lot of other people, and they tell me you need to move on.
Pff, I am more than 100 percent sure you left out the very important details that I was DEALING WITH DEPRESSION AND THEN SOME for this past year and a half. Throw in the tidbit about how this economy has been down in the pits for so long, which does not even scratch the surface of my problems.
3) If you continue working at your restaurant, then you might as well throw your degree away.
For Buddha sake, college degrees do not have time limits on them! They do not expire. They do not self-destruct. They do not become stone after a certain period of time. Get this through your head already – my college degree will stay with me forever. A college degree is a symbol that I went through the academic process of acquiring one. I learned a lot to have this red diploma case that I look at every day, which I am extremely proud of for numerous reasons. And besides, I am diligently applying the techniques and knowledge that was taught to me back in school, gradually building up my side projects and personal confidence as I bust my butt off at the restaurant.
The restaurant is not the end point – it is a transition phase. It is a stop gap as I aim for bigger things. But while I am working at this restaurant, I will try my best to be a productive, responsible employee for this place. This place SAVED me from sinking further into the pool of depression that I was drowning in, and so I will strive to put forth all I got each and every damn time I step foot in the establishment.
4) X person is doing this at Y place. Why aren’t you doing something similar?
Haha, you act like everyone is the same thing? Do you think every person has the same deck of cards to play with? Do you believe those people make it look so easy? Well, hate to break it to you, but the grass is always greener on the other side. Besides, it took me a long time before I realized that trying to be so fixated with what others are up to will only hurt me if I do not take the time to concentrate and take care of myself first. So, father, you can throw a bunch of random names in my face about people who are doing this and doing that, but it is all a hill of beans to me at this point.
At times, I think you are just falling victim to that Asian parent stereotype, where there is this OBSESSION with showing off one’s child(ren) to the other parents. Essentially, you see me in particular as a potential, bragging piece. I am getting sick and tired of this. If you love someone else’s kid so damn much, go adopt them or shut the hell up about it. I do not want to hear about that person. You telling me about said person all the time will just make me dislike you even more, father.
Father, I intend to do great things in my life. By then, I do not want to have anything to do with you in any shape or form. For as long as I can remember, you always manage to muster up another reason, whether big or small, for me to grow more and more resentful toward your existence. It is like your purpose in life is to alienate everyone who is supposed to be close to you. If this is the case, then congrats. You passed this particular test with flying colors.
You say you are ashamed of me as your son, but I will throw back that I am definitely not pleased to have you as my father. You are irritable, delusional, unlikable, angry and most of the time, unstable due to your frequent mood swings. You rarely are nice, and most of the time I have to avoid you because I do not want to deal with your temper.
I am a guy who hates breaking promises, so I will try to make this particular promise a personal obligation to myself … When the time comes, I will cut all ties with you, father. For good.