I’m a pessimist in a lot of ways.
I find myself constantly thinking about the negative side of things rather than the positive aspects.
For instance, I’ve relied heavily on my in-game naming patterns to predict whether my ally/enemy player in a given game of “League of Legends” will be bad or not. Instead of thinking about how good a given player will be, I am quick to hone in on a poor performance.
Like last night, I played with someone whose username was just his/her initials. Based on my naming patterns, those who just put their initials tend to be bad players because it reflects a lack of creativity on their part – and an absence of creativity equates to less critical thinking abilities for gaming in my book.
Well, this player with the initials ends up being a so-so (at best) player as my game of LoL unfolded. So my naming patterns hit the nail on the head once again, but then my friend in the game mentioned how I kept bringing up how I knew this player was going to be a weak player. I kept repeating myself like a broken record, apparently. This player with initials would do something incorrect in the game, and then I would bring up further negative opinions about this player.
At this point, I realized that I basically do this ALL THE TIME, not just in gaming but for everything. When did I become the guy who points out the wrong in something? Is it someone I truly want to be?
I don’t know. Being a Negative Nhan is … who I am?
The odd part is, I’ve been trying to be more optimistic in life as well. I am trying to be calmer, more collected as I notice my friends become upset about things. I’ve started to become the guy who says “It’s cool” or “All good, don’t worry about it.”
It seems a bit contradictory …
On one hand, I am a guy who wants to feel happier about life in general, but then these constantly negative things (in my mind, at least) constantly happen, and so my perception shifts toward the “bad” side of the spectrum.
I think this transition point in my life has created an identity crisis for me to deal with, which means I should try to determine who I really want to be on a daily basis.