Everyday NhanSense – Day 82

tAG_52929
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 82’s Topic: Clothing.
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
Clothes are those garments we need to wear to cover our bodies. We put on and take off our clothes every day, switching them out for the given day’s outfit requirement.

Granted, I am a simplistic person. I don’t really have a lot of clothes to my name. Even as a dude, I never really had much of any fashion sense. I like really straightforward outfits.

T-shirt and shorts, and maybe something else, then I am good to go. Pretty easy, right?

Heck, most of the clothes I have to my name are shown below in this picture.

DSC03527

Within this bag and box (along with a few tubs of clothes), that’s really all I have to wear. I don’t even have a dresser to fold them into place all nice and proper-like, the way mom would have done it when I was a kid.

Speaking of which, I regret saying something really stupid when I was a kid to my mother. I was being snappy and was questioning why my mom couldn’t get my brothers and I more clothes. I was just being bratty one day. It was probably around middle school, give or take a few years.

I didn’t really know what I was saying. This was coming from a kid who hated getting clothes as gifts to boot. Oh, joy!

Anyway, if I could go back in time at this very instance, I would have smacked myself for being stupid. My mom worked her tail off to provide food on the table, let alone everything else. She tried her hardest. It was just difficult for her to scrape aside money for nicer clothes. It’s not like I was running around in rags with holes in them.

I should have been thankful my mom did the laundry for us, so we always had clean clothes to throw on every day. I should have been grateful, but I wasn’t.

Not only that, the clothes I wore as a kid were mostly serviceable. Plain, even. They were rarely fancy clothes at all. Just the cheap stuff you would find at any average retail store. Nothing to brag about, but they were nothing to be ashamed about because they were so generic.

The point is, and why I bring up this random story of me as a kid, I finally grew to understand what it’s like to buy clothes for myself now. It took awhile, but I finally started to grasp how everything changes when you’re paying for it with money you have earned.
Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 81


anime girl with cat——————————————————————————————————————————————–
Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 81’s Topic: Cats.
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
As I browse through more pictures of my cats saved on file, the more apparent my true feelings come to the surface. Simply put, I miss my two babies a lot. Tux and Kuro meant a lot to me. They still do. I raised them since they were wee kittens, bonded with them on a personal level between pet and pet owner, which makes some days over here in this new town feel certainly lonely.

Magically, I wish I could just warp the two over here. But it wouldn’t be fair to the family I once lived with, as they are their cats as well. Sure, they didn’t love these two cats as much as me, but I was moving into a precarious and uncertain situation. The family was kicking me out of their home, after all, so I had to make the hard decision of leaving Tux and Kuro behind as a result.

I wasn’t sure if I could take care of my living situation, let alone adequately care for the two cats the way I would want them to be treated. I didn’t know where I was going to live, if I could get a job that paid me enough to afford rent, food and all the other expenses.

Of course, now that the ship has stabilized, I could probably take care of Tux and Kuro just fine. However, it’s not like I can just waltz into the family’s house and demand to have the two cats to take back here. Maybe in time, I will make an effort at formally adopting the two cats, but that family and I haven’t contacted one another for months.

In this regard, things are awkward between us. I have assumed Tux and Kuro have been just fine without me, so I have to trust that they are being loved. That’s all that really matters to me in this regard, honestly. The two cats were quite happy critters before I got kicked out, so I have prayed they have been still content with their lives.

It’s hard at times, but it’s all I can really do at the moment, aside from the alternative …

I could get another cat or two. Completely new ones to raise and love from the start again.
Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 80

anime_confused_girl
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 80’s Topic: Childhood innocence.
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
When you’re a kid, you are allowed to say the darndest things. You’re allowed to think freely. You’re allowed to be, well, a kid.

You don’t have to worry about money, where you live, what grownup responsibility you have to have taken care of next and this is all because of childhood innocence. In a way, I miss being a kid. I probably wasn’t the happiest kid in the world, but I was at the very least curious enough to see how things would pan out.

I had a skewed view of the world. Who could blame me? I didn’t think much beyond going to school, doing homework, recess, playing games with my brothers and all that jazz. Life was simple. Life was good.

At the same time, life had to go on. I couldn’t be a kid forever. I am an adult. Mind you, I am probably an adult who needed to grow up a long time ago, but I digress.

Things happened. Some were horrible. Some were great learning experiences. Regardless, all of this stuff led me to face my own maturity, or lack of, by forcing my hand. I couldn’t continue to think like I was a kid who needed to depend on others so much for basic needs.

Food.

Shelter.

Clothes.

Heck, I didn’t do my own laundry for a really long time as a college graduate. A bit embarrassing, but it’s true.

At a certain point, I had to tell myself this all needed to stop. It was time to let go of the childhood innocence, at least until some grownup aspects came into play, and really seek out the independence I should have achieved at this given point in time. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 79

Rebecca_impatient
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 79’s Topic: Patience.
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
I am by all means a patient person, but there are days I guess I lose this virtue when I feel things aren’t moving as fast as I would like.

This is why this particular thing at the store stood out to me.

DSC03525

It wasn’t expensive or anything, but I do like having “reminders” laid out for me throughout my desk to keep me in check. After all, life is all about realizing that certain things just develop after a duration, and for some people it takes longer than others for it to materialize.

For instance, many years ago, the only thing I kept telling myself that I wanted more than anything else was just this – independence.
Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 78

watching
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 78’s Topic: Understanding.
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
Lately, I have had the urge to be more open about my random problems I deal with on a daily basis. In particular, I have found myself often telling others I have the serious kind of mood swings, which affect me by constantly messing with my emotions in an unpredictable manner.

In a sense, perhaps I am wanting more understanding about what I attempt to keep well under control every day, every hour and probably until my last breath.

But that’s OK. I don’t expect modern medicine to develop a complete “cure” for mood swings or anything like that in the near future. Medication exists to balance out the mood, but I don’t want to partake in such a pill-popping commitment. There are more pressing illnesses out there like cancer that need more attention.

Mood swings, ultimately, can just make things a bit erratic, so to speak. I can be happy one minute and then feel completely sad the next, as an example.

Not the end of the world. However, I do in fact wish there were days I could just let my emotions run the proper and natural gamut without me needing to … pretend that I am a normal person?

And that’s the thing. I know I am not normal like others, though I don’t really want to imply it’s that much of a handicap.

Like, you see, if I were in a wheelchair, it would be easy for others to understand that something isn’t quite the same with me. With mood swings, combined with my nerdy and social awkwardness on top of it, everything projects the wrong kind of things I should be showcasing about my personality. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 77

images
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 77’s Topic: Trust.
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
Over the years, the list of people I truly trust with all my heart certainly has dwindled in number.

A lot of it has to do with me creating trust issues with others, seeing that I have been quite problematic, unstable and downright infuriating as a person to deal with on a personal level.

But I digress.

I can easily say this tidbit about myself these days. I was a messed-up person when I started this journey a few years ago, which led to the creation of this blog. Never had I envisioned this blog to be anything more than something I happened to write on here and there, but perhaps one day I can look back at this blog and see it as something more.

A beginning.

A beginning for figuring out what the heck is wrong with me, while also being a means of remedying me from my troubles.

Through this blog, I hope to establish new trust with others who need that certain someone to guide them through their own respective darkness and uncertainty. I have been through my own share of demons, haunting me throughout various years.

I have had nightmares over them. I have had times where I didn’t know what would happen next. I ran away from my problems. I hid away from the people who still wanted to care about me when I was basically destroying myself.

Trust. Continue reading

Everyday NhanSense – Day 76

url
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
Everyday NhanSense: Each day, I will blog about something that comes to mind. My goal is to practice writing about my hobbies, my interests, my opinions and so forth.

Day 76’s Topic: Creativity.
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
I strongly believe I am a creative individual. I have always been someone who likes to think outside the box in a variety of ways.

Ultimately, my ambition for the future is to become a content creator of sorts. I want to make stuff with my creative stamp to it, especially things I could be particularly proud of to show anyone.

I certainly have a passion and appreciation for those who like to think beyond linear means, so I want to make sure my own projects prove worthwhile.
Continue reading