The 54th Deadline: Life’s always going to give you another chance if you’re constantly persistent.
For five years and counting, I have been waiting in my own perpetual darkness. At one point, I feared for the worst when my world crumbled around me, and I couldn’t help but “run away” from my insecurities and problems instead of facing them directly like a courageous person.
Alas, I was a weak individual. A scaredy-cat. Insert whatever negative word. It doesn’t matter.
The point is, ultimately, I ran away to hide from my problems. Much like a child who hides under their blanket when they get scared, I hid underneath a security blanket called cowardice.
I was hoping the spooky stuff would magically go away, It didn’t. Instead, things grew more and more intense as time went on, which elevated my dilemma into a personal, full-blown disaster.
So I moped away in my own darkness, letting it consume me from within until I had enough of it.
I waited like the problems could go away on their own if I endured, thinking perhaps light would come shining in to illuminate the right path before me. Eventually. Eventually, I kept thinking.
It didn’t happen like that. Not quite, anyway.
Don’t get me wrong. When you’re a depressed mess, things just get to you. I certainly had my share of self-defeating thoughts that could last me a lifetime.
But after a while, you get weary of the constant negativity. You want to squelch all of the, “It’s never going to get better” remnants floating around in your mind. In their place, you have to scrape up some sense of hope, some sense of optimism that things will in fact improve.
And they have for me, albeit slowly. Everything has been a gradual crawl, but hey … at least it’s in the right direction!
To wait in this darkness for so long, one must think I am nuts, right?